Side jokes

Why is Uranus like paper? Because you do see the other side.

I saw a kid on the side of the road covered in rags and asked if he was an orphan. He said, "What gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."

If I was an object in this world, I’d be a glass! Because if you leave me when I’m too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.

If I was a pizza topping, I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.

I’m a star! Because one of these days, I’m going to crash and burn...

If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die, I’d be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.

I’m like the sun; I’m painful to look at.

If I was a food, I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.

I’m like an eggshell... broken and empty.

If I was a mythical creature, I’d be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.

I’m like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.

My soul is a raisin because it’s dried up, shriveled, and not everyone likes it.

I’m like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.

I’m like the moon because as the month progresses, my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.

I’m like an extremely powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.

I’m like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.

I’m like a shitty book cover... because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.

My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can’t afford to go through with the divorce, and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape, but the more they try, the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety.

Help me...

Why did the chicken cross the road?...

To get to the other side.

You know why I have so low IQ? It's because the left side of my brain gets nothing right, and the right side of my brain has nothing left.

The point of war is not to die for your country, but to make the fresh recruit on the enemy's side die for his.

Your mom is so fat, she wakes up on both sides of the bed.

Roses are red. Violets are blue. If he's busy on Valentine's Day, the side chick is you.

Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.

Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.

Mom told me to get more in touch with my feminine side. So, I crashed the car.

Americans: We drive on the right side of the road.

The British: We drive on the left side of the road.

Russia: ROAD IS ROAD. *crashing noises follow*

Why are female pornstars like Krispy Kreme donuts?

Because they get glazed on both sides.

When you go to your friend's house to fuck her brother, but realize he's your brother from your mom's side.

There's two types of emo people:

1. People that cut side to side.

2. And people that cut up and down.

The most efficient is up and down.

Why did the orphan cross the road?

His parents were on the other side!

How is the world like a box of crayons?

Nobody likes the white ones.

And a side note, it's multi colored.

What's the difference between a hoe and a sidechick? The hoe want different meals, the sidechick always gone be that one crumb on the side of the plate for debate 💯.

Americans be like: "Here is the US, we drive on the right side of the road."

England be like: "Here in the UK, we drive on the left side of the road."

Russians after a car accident be like: "Here in Russia, road is road."

What do you call a cow that has two legs shorter on one side of its body compared to the other? LEAN BEEF!

You see a kid on the side of the street crying, so you go up to them and say, "Where are your parents?" The kid says, "What are parents?"