did you ear about the guy who got his entire left side cut off? well, he's dead.
1. If being ugly was a crime you would have a life sentence
2. My phone battery lasts longer than your friendships
3. There is a tree out there giving you oxegyn, and you owe that tree an apology.
4. I don’t hate you, but I gotta unplug your life support to charge my phone.
5. When I saw your dad on the side walk I didn’t laugh but the sidewalk cracked up.
6. If I had powers I would make you the dumbest person alive but it seems life already beat me to the punch.
7. If karma ever comes to punch ya in the face, I wanna be there to help it
8. If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart I’d be broke.
9. You are more disappointing than a cake without frosting
10. Were you born on a highway cuz that’s where most accidents happen
11. Wow, that hurts, now I know how it felt when your mom said that to ya
12. Your the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo, and you may as well be the reason why the middle finger was invented
so i took a poop out side when i was done i wiped and got it on my finger after that i had nutella and i thought the poop on my hand was nutella and i licked it i said daddy chill what in the heck is this crap!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yo mama so fat i took a picture of her and she was on both sides of it
What's the difference between a hoe and a sidechick the hoe want difference meals the sidechick always gone be that one crumb on the side of the plate for debate 💯
Did you know that Americans fall out of both sides of the bed?!?
Gwen: Hi sir how are you? Tj: Good... you? Gwen: I am super duper good! And where is your date It seems like you need one 😉! Tj: 😏. Gwen: Here this is your guest hall pass...you may...come in my friend! Tj: Thanks but um don't you think you should be um getting in side too? Gwen: 🙁. No thanks sir but I have to work...I am the staff so bye! 😁. Tj: NO!!!!!!
1 day later. Gwen: 🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤰🤰🤰👩👧👦
yo mama's so skinny that when she walks out side she floats to heaven
What was oceangates biggest regret? Not painting Dylan Mulvaney on the side of the titan submarine for when it sunk like bud lights profits.
You have two parts of brain, 'left' and 'right'. In the left side, there's nothing right. In the right side, there's nothing left.
Why did the emo person cross the road? TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE haha
Why did the orphan cross the road
Because there was a dad on the other side
Americans: we drive on the right side of the road
The British: we drive on the left side of the road
Russia: ROAD IS ROAD *crashing noises follow*
A limbless man sat on the side of a lake everyday. He had no hands or no legs. One day he was crying when a woman was walking by and saw that he was upset, so she asked if he was okay.
He replied, "No." The woman said, "Well, what's wrong?" The limbless man said, "I've never been hugged by anyone ever." So the woman, out of kindness, hugged the man. "Are you okay now?" she asked. "No," the man replied. So again the woman asked him what was wrong. He answered, "I've never been kissed before." T he woman eagerly gave him a peck on the lips and asked, "Are you okay now?" The man shook his head sadly. The woman asked him what was wrong for the third time. The man said, "I've never been fucked."
The woman looked at him, picks him up, throws him in the lake, and says, "Now you are!"
What are two plus sides to being an orphan are? 1.All your snacks are family sized 2.no one can make jokes about your mama.
Thanks to an unfortunate typo, it's the most one-sided action movie ever.
Alen vs. Predator
Three women were in heaven. The angel at the gates said, "How good the ride into heaven is for you, is determined by your commitment to your most recent partner." The first lady says, "2 years, 2 side-hoes." She got an old lexus. The second lady says, "10 years, 1 visit from a prostitute." She got a Mercedes-Benz. The third lady says, "I never had a husband." The angel says in response, "F*ck me and then you can have a lambo." They all arrive in heaven, to see the second lady crying. The first lady says, "I know we are dead, but it could be a lot worse." "How!?" The third lady cries, "The angel has a flute for a d*ck!"
What a plus side to being an orphan?
Every bag of chips are family size. T - T
On the plus side, I finally hear voices talking to me... just wish they outside my head
I have a joke about death. Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side
Think about it :)