Short jokes
I almost got caught trying to steal a board game yesterday.
It was a Risk I was willing to take.
Q. What does a slutty mermaid get? A. Crabs.
Why can't you kill a hooker?
Because they're dead inside anyway.
Why is 10 afraid?
Because it’s in the middle of 9/11.
What do the Twin Tower survivors order from Tim Hortons? A plane bagel.
I thought about making a necrophilia joke, but I knew it would be a DOA.
What is Helen Keller's son's name? Hrrrrrrr.
Did you hear? There is a new toy for boys ages 2-10. It's called Jackson. A tiny white doll, with black Jackson. Get it while supplies last.
I'm not saying you're annoying. But if rectal herpes were a person, it would be you.
Why is it so hard to find people defending suicide in any discussion?
Because they are really committed to their cause.
Q: What do you call a baby in a vegetative state?
A: A tater tot.
What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One to trust and the other to thrust.
What's the fastest way to break up a bingo game in Baghdad?
You shout out, "B-52!"
My lesbian friends bought me a gold timepiece for my birthday.
But, I think they got confused when I said, "I wanna watch!"
What do you call a terrorist attack in Iraq? A selfie!
Did you know that good Catholic girls like to WAP?
Yeah, they are all about Worship and Prayer.
Did you know Kurt had dandruff?
Found his head and shoulders behind the couch.
I bought a belt made of clocks.
It was a waist of time.
What does a burnt pizza, cold beer, and a pregnant woman have in common?
Someone didn’t pull it out in time.
What is Michael Jackson's favorite movie?
The Boy in the Plastic Bubble? Why? The boy who was in the bubble.