Short jokes
What do u call an Asian that was born at the wrong time?
Wrong тайминг.
Queen Elizabeth came back before your dad did.
Q: What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann with the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
A: A red-headed bitch with a yeast infection.
I asked my kid to give me a hand. That motherfucker cried while charging his mechanical arm.
Why was the orphan stupid?
Because his parents couldn't guide him.
Why do mountains never rest?
Because it’s ever-est.
It's called Costa Coffee because it's short for "Cost A lot for boiled, rancid dishwater."
Your mom is so ugly when she tried to enter the ugly contest, they said they don't allow professionals.
Yo, barber fucked up so bad he pulled out a "Plants vs. Zombies" map and that shii fit perfectly.
1, 2 buckle my shoe.
3, 4 buckle some more.
5, 6 Nike kicks.
1, 2 buckle my shoe.
3, 4 open the door.
5, 6 Nike kicks.
How do you find someone's hairline? It's simple, you don't.
Big, ugly, and very weird.
Me: Hi Jacob!
Jacob: Hi.
Me: Your parents went to jail for littering when you were born!
Jacob: GOO GOO GAH GAH
What's Peter Pan's favorite place to eat out?
Wendy's?
Q: Why was the 4 year old anti-vaxer crying?
A: He was in a mid-life crisis.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they can’t find home.
I have done a ton of work. A skele-ton.
If you jump off a building and yell "parkour," how can they tell that it was intentional? T'was a failed stunt.
So, if Russia was the motherland and Germany was the fatherland, what does that mean?
The Western Front is domestic violence.
Hello! Why did the duck cross the road? To prove he wasn't chicken!