Short jokes
Why does Stephen Hawking only do one-liners?
Because he can’t do stand up.
What did the baker say when he forgot the cookie sheets?
Ooh, snickerdoodles!
My ex died today.
I also lost my job as a butcher.
What’s the difference between the real Jesus and a picture of him?
It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
I'm glad we're all going virtual so I can cuss in front of my class and blame it on my stupid siblings.
What's the difference between dad jokes and bad jokes?
The letter b.
We are always joking around about being adopted, when really we are still living in the orphanage.
I was going to tell a 9/11 joke, but it was really plane.
What did one cow say to the other? You are mootiful!
How do you keep a bull from charging?
You take its credit card away.
My aunt worked as a human cannonball.
I'm not sure if she was good at it until she got fired.
What do you call a pissed off midget?
A micro-aggression.
What do LGBTQ+ people use as a weapon in THG (The Hunger Games)?
A rainbow.
Why do bees sting?
Because they're pricks.
Q: What happens when a pig plays tug-of-war?
A: Pulled pork.
Why do a pedophile love Halloween?
Free delivery.
What’s the difference between a motorcycle and a mutilated body?
I don’t have a motorcycle in my garage.
You are all going to be pun-ished!
The first trains were often derailed. They had a bad track record.
Did y’all hear about the increasing divorce rate because people are addicted to Fortnite?
They’re just two weeks to quit.