Short jokes
What is a necrophiliac's safe word?
"I'm alive!"
My friend fell on the Nile river and Egypt last week.
He swears by it, but he’s in denial.
In 2001, my parents took me to 9/11. I was soaring towards it with excitement!
I found Jeffrey Epstein’s diary the other day.
The last entry was about 12 years old.
Better Friday the 13th than Monday the 13th.
I saw a Black person riding a bike, so I ran back to my garage. He was still eating.
What do you call a black goldfish? A gigger.
What is the difference between runners and my car?
My car is still running.
Sex is like pizza.
When it’s hot, it’s great.
When it’s cold, it’s still pretty good.
Why'd Billy get fired from the banana factory?
He kept throwing with the bent one.
NSFW Why can't women ever tell men where the clitoris is?
'Cause it's a place to eat.
What kind of fruit can fix your sink?
A plum-ber.
Why can you never surprise mountains?
They peak.
Tell your mom I don't like waiting in queues.
What do you call a coffee without water? Africano.
You really put the R in special.
A: What did the lawyer say to the amputee?
Q: You haven't got a leg to stand on.
Why did the cellphone get glasses? Because it lost its contacts!
What do you call a German that can not see?
A Not-see.
Surveys show that 80% of women who wear yoga pants never do yoga.
And 100% of men don’t care.