Short jokes
"Hey, what's the Russian president's name?" "Putin?" "Yeah, Putin deez nuts in yo mouth!"
How do you tell whether you’ve satisfied a redhead?
She unlocks the handcuffs.
What do you call an injured person who doesn't want to play a game with you? A sore loser.
Daughter: Dad, why did Mom do best?
Dad: Nothing, except pretend to love us and leave.
Daughter: So she only loves my sister?
Dad: Yep.
Guns don't kill people, black people kill people.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can't drink and derive.
How do Mexicans begin counting?
Juan, Two, Three.
Q: What do you call deaf Magic Johnson?
A: Hearing Aids.
A man went into a library to get a book on how to commit suicide.
The librarian said, "No, you won't bring it back."
Do you wanna hear a Gay Joke...
Butt fuck it.
Wife: (on phone) Hi. Husband: Hey, I didn’t know dishwashers talk and make me a sandwich.
Me: So you two girls are from England?
Girls: Wales.
Me: Oh, I see, so you two whales are from England.
"Prince, I'm ready to chat when you are. I'm in bed, so yeah, let's chat! Love you!"
What did Little Johnny say to his dad?
Johnny: "Dad, please not again! I'm too young!"
Hey Gwen come on let's chat! We can forget about that dumb bitch "prince" and focus on us!
Your mom is so fat that when she went on the scale, it said, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"
Why do cheetahs always get 100 on a test?
They’re cheetahs!
Why are 9/11 victims the fastest readers in the world?
Because they went through 90 stories in just 10 seconds!
Ert.
I don't like marriage. It's just like soup, as soon as you're done spooning it, it all cools off.