Short jokes
Oofer.
How can you tell if an ant is a boy or a girl?
If it sinks it’s a girl. If it floats, it’s boy-ant (buoyant).
Why do orphans play GTA?
To be wanted.
Why do orphanages give out free phones?
So you can press the home button.
What is the difference between a woman and a knife?
The knife has a point.
What did the drunk woman say to the man after leaving the bar?
"Alcohol, you later!"
What does Michael Jackson and a Playstation have in common?
They're both made of plastic and children turn them on.
What do you call a bunch of white people in an elevator?
A box of crackers.
Toothbrush says, "I have the worst job ever."
Toilet paper says, "You think your job is shitty."
Your butt's so big you can slap it and ride the waves.
I heard guns kill people, so I gave up my right to own one.
Then I heard dicks rape people, so I chopped it off.
If depression on crack fucked weed and 69 hours of not sleeping and had a baby with huge amounts of autism, that would be me.
My favorite species is a cheetah because
Ima cheet-ah on the test.
Did you hear about the racist sprinkler?
It kept going: "Spick spick spick Chink chink chink!"
Uranus is huge.
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
"Where's my tractor?"
Why did Stephen Hawking and his wife stop playing hide and seek? She kept using a metal detector.
When you go to Incestry.com instead of Ancestry.com.
"Ching chong, drop the bomb!"
How do you punch 40 kids in the face at once? Hit them with a “Sandy Hook”.
A blind teenager who is bad at reading wants to go hunting, so he finds a hunting ground called s-ch-ool.