Short jokes
What is never ordered in an orphanage?
A family sized pizza!
What’s the difference between the real Jesus and a picture of him?
It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
What's stiff and 6 inches long?
SIDS.
My aunt worked as a human cannonball.
I'm not sure if she was good at it until she got fired.
Wanna hear a poop joke?
Nah, they always stink.
We are always joking around about being adopted, when really we are still living in the orphanage.
Q: What happens when a pig plays tug-of-war?
A: Pulled pork.
Why do bees sting?
Because they're pricks.
How do you keep a bull from charging?
You take its credit card away.
How does an American know that his time has come?
He starts hearing Vietnamese.
What do you call a pissed off midget?
A micro-aggression.
What did one cow say to the other? You are mootiful!
Why does Stephen Hawking only do one-liners?
Because he can’t do stand up.
What did the baker say when he forgot the cookie sheets?
Ooh, snickerdoodles!
How do you know if you have a high sperm count?
She chews before she swallows.
How do you know someone has Down syndrome?
They're doing better than you.
Lynx, where the fuck are you? This is Dagger Jr. (Proof in comments).
Your mum, your dad, The things you never had.
If it does more than pee, it's too old for me!
How do you lift a depressed person up?
No need, they'll find a way to get on the tree somehow.