Short jokes
To master puns, you got to relish them first. That's how I must(ar)d it. Who knows, maybe you will ketchup to my level.
Two cows were hiding.
One said: "Moooo."
The other one said: "Shut up! We're hiding!"
What did Julius say when he saw a woman stealing an expensive chandelier?
“Guards! Seize her (Caesar)!”
What was the computer's best pickup line?
Nice bits!
I guess age is just a number, but in your boyfriend's case, a personal preference.
Read the next line.
Read the previous line.
A: What's the similarity between your girlfriend and the sun?
B: They're both hot?
A: They're both massive.
Dad: I'm dying.
Son: Hi dying, I'm [name].
Dad: Really, now is not the time.
Son: I'm sorry.
Dad: Hi sorry, I'm Dad. (dies)
Why can't people in wheelchairs pass high school?
The pacer test.
What does an astronaut call his ex from space?
SpaceX.
What did the blonde say when I told a rape joke?
"Can you show me what rape is?"
What do you call a Black person going down a waterslide? Sewage.
As a hobby, I started taking walks around the old clock tower.
It's a great way to pass the time.
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A nectarine.
So I got these new shoes, except they were from a drug dealer.
Now I don't know what they were laced with, but I was trippin' all day.
Who were the fastest runners ever? Adam and Eve. They were first in the human race.
Why did the Mushroom get invited to so many parties?
He was a fungi!
My uncle died in the 9/11 attacks. He was the best pilot I had ever met.
What’s the difference between Jesus and Maddie McCann?
One had the last supper.
Why did the orphan call Mr. Smith "daddy"? Because he put her in the vices and taught her a lesson about virginity.