Short jokes
What do a blonde and a doorknob have in common?
Everyone gets a turn ;)
How do you properly eat a vegetable?
You tip over the wheelchair.
What do you call a baby potato?
Small fry!
Why aren't there any stray cats in Chinatown?
There are, but they're just listed as "pork" on the menus.
Angel: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?
Satan: Could you like FUCK OFF FOR ONE MINUTE?
Your mum is so smart, but she still can’t figure out why she had you.
How do you get rid of butterflies in your stomach?
Stop eating caterpillars.
What did the cow say to the fat pig?
Moooooooove over!
Principal: You're being bad. I'm gonna need to call your parents!
Orphan: *sits there sadly*
They told me I'd never be good at poetry.
But to date I have made 3 jugs and a vase, and they look lovely!
"Bippidy boppidy boo! Bill Cosby is coming for you!"
There are 50 dogs and 48 cats.
How many are hungry?
A. 10
People having seizures are just people dreaming about rollercoasters.
How can you tell if an ant is a boy or a girl?
If it sinks it’s a girl. If it floats, it’s boy-ant (buoyant).
What's the difference between the Titanic and Georgie from "It"?
Georgie floated!
What do you call cheese that's not yours?
Nacho cheese!
A boy got a soccer ball and a bike for Christmas. Why is he sad?
He doesn’t have legs.
Why doesn't Voldemort have a human nose?
Because his snake bit it off!
What do you call a duck on drugs?
A quackhead.
I don't like 9/11 jokes because they always talk about how bad of a plane driver my dad is.