Short jokes
Trump is so orange that he makes the Oompa Loompas look white.
What did the cow say to the fat pig?
Moooooooove over!
Principal: You're being bad. I'm gonna need to call your parents!
Orphan: *sits there sadly*
Why aren't there any stray cats in Chinatown?
There are, but they're just listed as "pork" on the menus.
What do you call cheese that's not yours?
Nacho cheese!
Your mum is so smart, but she still can’t figure out why she had you.
Why doesn't Voldemort have a human nose?
Because his snake bit it off!
Everyone says Kenny has an easy life.
I disagree. I hear his mom likes complicated sex positions.
What do a blonde and a doorknob have in common?
Everyone gets a turn ;)
How do you properly eat a vegetable?
You tip over the wheelchair.
How do you get rid of butterflies in your stomach?
Stop eating caterpillars.
Old mathematicians never die; they just lose some of their functions.
What do you call a duck on drugs?
A quackhead.
Why did the Royal Wedding get more publicity than the SantaFe school shooting?
'Cause Royal Weddings don't happen every week.
What did God say when he made Jake Paul?
"Oops, I made a mistake."
What kinds of apples grow on trees?
All of them.
They told me I'd never be good at poetry.
But to date I have made 3 jugs and a vase, and they look lovely!
A boy got a soccer ball and a bike for Christmas. Why is he sad?
He doesn’t have legs.
What's the difference between the Titanic and Georgie from "It"?
Georgie floated!
I don't like 9/11 jokes because they always talk about how bad of a plane driver my dad is.