Short jokes
Why was it cold in Stephen Hawking's house?
Because he had a new window open...
Me: What’s that girl’s name from Phineas and Ferb, the sister?
Crush: Candice.
Me: Candice dick fit in your mouth?
Crush: *slaps me, walks away*
What's Hitler's favorite Yu-Gi-Oh card?
BLUE EYES WHITE DRAGON
Dark humour : hell!!! Aren't people racist!!!
Your fat!
Yo mama so fat! When she jumps into a pool, NASA found water on Mars!
A blondie and a redneck jumped off a building. Which one will land first?
The redneck because the blonde will ask for directions.
What do you call it when Batman skips church?
Christian Bale.
Why was 4 not impressed when 5 won a prize for 6?
Because 511472.
Why is rape, rape? Because she is too busy enjoying the moment to say yes.
Why did the topless woman shout, "Stop raping us?"
Because she was uneducated.
They say nothing is impossible, but I've been doing nothing all day.
What is similar about a dog and a woman? You can ask them to come.
What do you call someone who used to kill people? An ex-executioner.
What do you get when you cross a redneck and another redneck?
Incest.
I asked my daddy what sex was. He said, "Wanna cum and try it?"
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Crippling depression.
Crippling depression who--?
Me.
Retards.
What did the Nazi order from Wendy's?
Two number NEINs.
What is red, green, lies in a ditch, and is covered in cookie crumbs?
...A girl scout that got hit by a car.