Short jokes
I was going to tell you a joke about a big cat, but I would be lion.
MOM: Honey, I'm pregnant.
DAD: Hi, Pregnant, I'm Dad.
MOM: No, you're not.
How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together!
The most corrupt CEOs are those of the pretzel companies.
They’re always so twisted!
Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating?
Because they have no body to go with.
Roses are red... Violets are blue... I feel like I'm gonna get raped next to you.
What happens when a furry takes over Nazi Germany?
The Furred Reich.
The American Dream is real. It's just set and filmed in Toronto and not Texas.
What do ICE and Mexican drug cartels both have in common?
They both kidnap Canadian women!
I think the military shouldn’t allow trans people, because all they'd do is switch sides.
Be careful, everybody, I have a red dot on my forehead, so I can record everybody!
What do you call a black person with a pride flag? A Cosmic Brownie.
Abortion is a difficult topic for me.
On one hand I support it because it kills children.
On the other hand, it gives women a choice.
Before I die, I'm going to ask to be cremated.
Then I'm going to eat a bunch of popcorn kernels.
Then I'll die and get cremated. BOOM! I'm popcorn!
Muslims love to exaggerate, that's why they always blow things up.
What do you call a group of ethnically diverse disabled people?
Seasoned vegetables.
BLM.
My friend put an action toy and called it Kobe and put it on a drone. I realized that my friend didn't know how to fly a drone.
What is Julius Caesar’s favorite food?
Roman noodles.
Why are drums and autistic people the same?
They both go "uh uh uh uh uh uh!"