Short jokes
Why did the electron leave the atom?
Because it had its ion someone else.
What do you get when you cross a shark and a snowman?
Frostbite!
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist?
Because he lost his filling.
What did the emo say before he crossed the road?
"Fuck my life."
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Cakatoo."
"Cakatoo who?"
"So, you're a Rooster now?"
God, I miss Stephen Hawking.
He was brainier than Kurt Cobain's ceiling.
At first I was skeptical, but the universe has really grown on me.
People shouldn’t be afraid during a zombie apocalypse.
They can stay in their living room.
Why are birds good at social media?
Because they "tweet" all the time!?
How many homeless guys does it take to change a lightbulb?
“You’re telling me there’s change in a lightbulb?”
What did the angry cow say to its enemy?
"We have beef!"
What's a horse's favorite football player? NEIGH-mar!
How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together!
I remember my dad's last words: "I met your father."
I was going to tell you a joke about a big cat, but I would be lion.
MOM: Honey, I'm pregnant.
DAD: Hi, Pregnant, I'm Dad.
MOM: No, you're not.
I only listen to waltz 3/4 of the time.
Why isn’t the word “orphan” spelled with an “f” instead of “ph?” Because that “f” stands for “family,” and the word “orphan” doesn’t have a family.
Are you the voices I've been hearing?
Because I can't seem to get you out of my head. (Schizophrenic RIZZ)
My friend Liam has a hairline [if you can even call it a hairline] so bad it keeps going back for miles.