Short jokes
Why was my mate in "Mission: Impossible?" Because he couldn't find his dad.
Kamala Harris is so ugly that Joe Biden is shaking hands with invisible people!
What's the difference between herpes and my dad?
Herpes stays around.
Babies are like airstrikes; they get aborted.
I was happy to find I could get a passing grade in all my subjects if I had sex with my teacher, until I remembered I'm home schooled.
What do you call an army of autistic people with guns?
Special forces.
Teacher: Alright kids. 50, 49, 48, 47. What comes before 47?
Kid: AK!
Everyone else: 🚪 🏃🏾♀️🏃🏽🏃🏿🏃🏾♀️🏃🏽🏃🏿🏃🏿🏃🏿♀️ 🎒 🏃🏻
What does a Catholic Priest and a commercial from the 80s have in common? They both ask people, "Where's the meat?"
Wanna hear a joke? My life! Hahahah! Just kidding, jokes actually mean something...
Who is more loyal: a dog or a wife?
Well, lock them both in your trunk for two hours and drive around and see which one is happy to see you.
More about Quinn: He loves Robin. He loves his tight ass. He licks up all his shit after Taco Bell.
Who killed Hitler goes to Heaven.
*looks up*
Oh, never mind.
Grandpa's last words: "Why do you have a chainsaw?"
What did the orphan's friend give him for his birthday?
Lego, so he can build a home.
My therapist said time heals all wounds, so I stabbed him. Now we wait.
If you're going shopping at school, what color would I like to smell: True or False?
Why did Helen Keller's dog commit suicide?
Well, I wouldn't want to be named "asdjasdjasdak" either.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Ligma.
Ligma who?
Ligma balls!
What do a blonde and a doorknob have in common?
Everyone gets a turn ;)
What's the difference between a screw and a hooker? You can't unscrew the hooker.