Short jokes
Prankster pranks.
Fake lobster in the toilet. 8:00 a.m.
Prank phone calls. 9:00 a.m.
Kid goes to the kitchen.
Mom: What are you doing here?
Kid: Just checking out the knife.
Mom: So you've chosen death.
Q. What's the best part of living in Alabama?
A. Not having to change your last name when you get married.
When a "Baby on Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up, you know the kid is at least a year old, and the car is safe to ram.
My grandpa's last words before he died in Vietnam were, "What the fuck did I step on?"
You know that feeling when you're going through a school parking lot and go over a speed bump, then you realize that there are no speed bumps?
You're cheap; no one even pays attention.
Why was 10 so scared? Because he was in the middle of 9/11.
"Um, honey, I'm glad you're done, but um, WHO KICKED OUR BABY'S ASS?! I'M PRETTY SURE FACES DON'T BEND THAT WAY!!"
How do you fix a broken pizza? With tomato paste.
Q: What did the fetus say to the tongs?
A: See you on the flip side.
I asked my friend what their serial number was... He said "Cheerios."
What did Cinderella leave at the ball?
Her virginity.
You know, life as a pufferfish is tough. They get startled, then they get hard.
What is the road on a hill?
Hillside.
I want to fuck Cyrus, Kylin. Especially Peter Pecker.
What did Hitler tell the eye doctor?
“I can na-zi.”
What goes up must come down, apart from Mr. Vyse.
"Me lava you sooo much, cutie cake. I know I'm so so so cuteee. Lava you girl... ummmma ummmaaa. I know where you liveee kutty."
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
They can’t find home.