Short jokes
What's the difference between a screw and a hooker? You can't unscrew the hooker.
Why did Helen Keller's dog commit suicide?
Well, I wouldn't want to be named "asdjasdjasdak" either.
If you're going shopping at school, what color would I like to smell: True or False?
What did the orphan's friend give him for his birthday?
Lego, so he can build a home.
What is a Mexican's only obstacle?
Border patrol.
Grandpa's last words: "Why do you have a chainsaw?"
Your legs are just like Oreos! I wanna split the ends and eat what's in between.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Ligma.
Ligma who?
Ligma balls!
If you throw a nun, is it called a... Nunchuck???
Just a joke: When Stephen Hawking fell over and hurt his leg, his dad said, "It'll get better, just walk it off!"
What do you call two redheads on Mars?
Locals.
What happens when Batman sees Catwoman?
The Dark Knight Rises.
What do you call a disabled person in a sauna?
Steamed veggies!
Why did the blonde chick buy two Plan B pills?
She wanted to be for sure for sure!
I asked my friend what their serial number was... He said "Cheerios."
A boy is sitting in a dentist chair getting braces, and a dentist comes in and says, "Brace yourself!"
Me: So you two girls are from England?
Girls: Wales.
Me: Oh, I see, so you two whales are from England.
Why can’t dinosaurs clap?
Because they're dead.
Did you hear about the dyslexic cop? He jumped off his horse and blew his whistle!
Q: How did the explorers get to school?
A: They rode the Colum-bus!