Short jokes

Beautiful people should read this quote: "God gave you beauty but not brains."

Mom asks, "Who are you talking to?"

The child said, "A mistake."

Why didn't the boy like his Christmas presents? Hint: They were a soccer ball, bicycle, and running shoes.

What happens when a battery commits a crime? They get charged!

I don't see why people these days choose their gender. There's only two, it's Nerf or nothing! (I'm just joking, I honestly don't care.)

Miksi Michael Jackson sopisi joulupukiksi?

Hän tyhjentää säkkinsä lapsiin.

I asked my friend how long I can be in the sky. He said if you are emo, then forever.

I'm no astronomer, but I’m pretty sure the Earth revolves around the sun... not you.

What’s the best thing about Switzerland?

I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

What falls first from a tree, an apple or an emo?

The apple... the emo just hangs there.

Just because you‘re suicidal, you don‘t have to be a quitter.

Wait, actually.

Neither of them respect boundaries.

What did Joe Biden say when he got pulled over?

I'm just a-Biden the law, officer.

Tell an old person to pretend [they are] shaking salt in their mouth... you'll see!

I was trying to hang the lights when I accidentally kicked the chair.

Why can't orphans really play baseball?

Because when they do, all the other kids tell that joke that everyone has heard more than 50 times.

What’s Michael Jackson’s favorite pizza topping? Pepperon-he-he.

I am never wrong. One time I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken.

Doctors in the Middle Ages, Plague doctor: "I must have some herbs to block out bad air."

Doctors now: "God, WTF were we doing back then?"

Bro, Kobe Bryant is singing with the basketball team in his helicopter, celebrating right now, I bet.

Oh wait, I forgot.