Short jokes

Short jokes

Orphan

What are two plus sides to being an orphan?

1. All your snacks are family sized.

2. No one can make jokes about your mama.

Salt

Tell an old person to pretend [they are] shaking salt in their mouth... you'll see!

Orphan

For a present on Christmas, I gave an orphan a phone, just without a home button.

Relationship

Don't treat her like a gold pump when she's treating you like a gray pistol. Put down a launch pad and rotate.

Doctor

Doctors in the Middle Ages, Plague doctor: "I must have some herbs to block out bad air."

Doctors now: "God, WTF were we doing back then?"

Panera Bread

Mmmm, bread. I love Panera Bread.

This is unrelated, but where I live, there is no Panera Bread. Y'know what that's called?

No Panera Bread.

Cancer

I would go suck some titties, but I’d rather die from being shot than cancer.

Car crash

I learned my dad got into a car crash this morning.

And my driver's license got revoked too.