Short jokes
What does a blowjob and a bonus check have in common?
Someone’s always willing to blow your bonus.
How do you piss off a midget?
Give them a yo-yo and tell them to play with it.
The girl asks her boyfriend, "Are you jealous of my heart?"
He says, "No."
She says, "Because it's pumping in me and you're not."
Why does Michael Jackson like football, baseball, and tennis? Because of the "balls".
Which scary movie did the bear refuse to watch?
The Bear Witch Project.
My wife treats me like God!
She takes no notice of my existence until she wants something.
The interviewer asked me if I had a criminal record when I was requesting Australian citizenship.
I replied, "No. Is that still required?"
What is the difference between a baby and a sweet potato?
About 140 calories.
Women understand each other.
That’s why they argue.
When you're sad, don't feel down about yourself. Break a leg, and you'll forget all about it.
What do you call an annoying emo kid?
A nuisance.
How do you make a blonde girl stop screaming in bed? Pull out of her.
What is the best item at a Mexican Burger King?
Hopper Jr.
What do Call of Duty and Al-Qaeda goals have in common?
You’ve got to get more than one down.
We found out my grandpa is addicted to Viagra. No one is taking it harder than my dad.
What do you call a party with 100 midgets? A little get together.
Q: What did Britney say to Kevin when they were in bed?
A: "Hit me baby one more time."
Why can't Asians golf?
Because they can't drive.
What’s something you can say during a pregnancy test and during a sporting event?
"We’ve got a runner!"
Why do Americans always win gold at the shooting Olympics?
Because they practice at the best schools.