Short jokes
What is the country that is always in a rush? Russia.
Have you walked into Steven Hawking's house yet?
Yeah, neither has he.
Who was the first anesthesiologist? Hitler.
What step did the DNA not take in his math equation?
He forgot to adenine!
What do you get when you light Stephen Hawking on fire? A fried PC.
I bought an anti-bullying wristband. I say I bought it; I stole it off a fat ginger kid.
What do the Twin Towers and murder victims have in common?
Both were owned by their own kind.
What is the sexiest animal alive? The Βυττerfly.
My sister told me words don't hurt her, so I chucked a dictionary at her.
You're the type of person to wash your hands after a shower.
I wasn't gonna tell another Epstein joke but I didn't want to leave anyone hanging.
Why are there 30 bullets in one clip?
Because that's the average classroom size.
Why is the orphan happy when he wakes up from a coma?
Because there is a family reunion.
I was trying to make friends, and this one person came up to me. They said, "Lettuce be friends?" I just laughed and said that was tear-able.
POV: When the orphan kid goes to church and they have to swear on something.
The kid: "I swear on my... friends. Oh wait, I don't have any."
What do you call a baby kangaroo? Joey.
What do you call a 6 year old named Joey? Supper.
"Lock him up, you know, Trump!"
Visiting Alabama? Pop-up dating ads be like: "Never be lonely at cousinsonly.com."
My mom: If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you?
Me: No.
Attack on Titan music starts playing in my head.
"If you want to win swiftly, camp the enemies' spawn."
- Sun Tzu