Short jokes
Why do G-Unit and C-Unit stand for? Gorilla unit and chimpanzee unit.
Did you hear the gossip about butter? Never mind, I butter not spread it...
"Disease" technically means "lack of ease," so if a girl is hard to get, call her a disease.
That's what Elliot Rodger did.
Some of the most convincing people you'll ever listen to are born liars; usually they're called politicians.
I told an orphan to never stop talking until their parents come home.
Now I can’t get it to shut up.
Why do orphans not care about sleep? Because they have no one to wake up to.
I went to self-checkout at a store and I scanned my products, but the scanner wouldn't scan the barcode on my arm.
My wife and I just decided we don't want to have children.
So if anyone wants them, our contact information is below.
You look good now, but you’d look better hanging from my ceiling. ;)
Elmo in 2022 is called "Tickle My Balls Elmo."
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 broke into a daycare and ate 12 children before burning the building down.
What's a footlong and slippery?
A slipper.
I can swallow two pieces of string and when they come out the other end, they'll be tied together. I shit you knot.
My mom: If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you?
Me: No.
Attack on Titan music starts playing in my head.
Why are cigarettes good for the environment?
They kill people.
My friend wants to do martial arts, but he's disabled, so I guess it’s partial arts.
Why do horny, deaf girls wear tight pants?
So you can read her lips.
What is money called on the moon?
Mooney.
What do you call a toy that has a story?
Toy Story.
Bro, I thought your hairline was the Dorito logo.