Short jokes
What did the cow say to the leather chair?
“Hi Mom!”
I just broke up with my mathematician girlfriend. She was obsessed with an X.
Cop: "I'm arresting you for downloading the entire Wikipedia."
Man: "Wait! I can explain everything!"
Straight people ask why gays have such a good fashion sense.
They have to come out of the closet sometime.
How do you know when a fat person stops eating? You read about it in the obituary.
What's the difference between a black Jew and a white Jew?
The black Jew sits in the back of the oven.
Why should you keep English gay activists away from neo-nazis?
British cigarettes get smoked easily.
Yo mama so fat, when she went to a dating service, they ended up matching her up with Pittsburgh.
What’s the Difference Between a Cat and a Comma?
One has claws at the end of its paws, and the other is a pause at the end of a clause.
Na, don't be mean to fat people. Oh wait, never mind, they can handle the weight.
What's the difference between women and men?
Men have rights.
What is the difference between a cow and 9/11?
You can’t milk a cow for 15 years.
Why can’t you take a Black Asian guy golfing? Because he can’t drive and can’t find his own balls.
Are you a mental hospital? Cause I need to be in you.
What's the difference between a gay man and a freezer?
A freezer doesn't scream when you put meat inside it.
Did you hear about the woman who put her husband’s ashes in a burrito?
He gets to tear that ass up one more time.
How do rappers stay warm in the winter?
They drop FIRE TRACKS.
Where do cows go to see the big screen? The mooo-vie theater.
Why was the turtle looking at her phone?
She wanted to take a shellfie.
Famous last words: I COULD EAT THIS IN ONE BITE!