Short jokes
What do Call of Duty and Al-Qaeda goals have in common?
You’ve got to get more than one down.
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Not Sally.
Why do men fart louder than women?
Because women can’t keep their mouth shut to build up any pressure.
Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?
So you can tell them apart from the feminists.
When your crush walks in class, but you're homeschooled...
I saw a cute coworker and had sex in the back until I realized it is a family business.
Don't steal. That's the government's job.
What do you call a party with 100 midgets? A little get together.
Q: What did Britney say to Kevin when they were in bed?
A: "Hit me baby one more time."
What’s something you can say during a pregnancy test and during a sporting event?
"We’ve got a runner!"
What is the difference between a baby and a sweet potato?
About 140 calories.
These posts are brutal; they're leaving nothing left standing.
Did you hear about the octopus who went emo? He sliced all 8 of his wrists.
What is Helen Keller's son's name? Hrrrrrrr.
What do masturbation and brain damage have in common? After a few strokes, there’s no going back.
Why doesn't Jesus participate in Battle Raps?
All his comebacks take three days.
The interviewer asked me if I had a criminal record when I was requesting Australian citizenship.
I replied, "No. Is that still required?"
If a pregnant emo kills herself, is that murder-suicide or just abortion?
I got fired from my paramedic job on the first day. I told an eight-year-old who lost his leg in a car accident to "walk it off."