Short jokes
What did I say to the bridge?
Bye, bridge.
What is an Italian massage?
An Italian Catholic priest giving a blowjob inside the confessional booth during Lent.
Genie: You cannot wish for more wishes, immortality, or love.
Man: I wish not to die a virgin.
Genie: I just said no wishing for immortality!
Why is it that skinny men like fat women?
Because they need warmth in winter, and shade in summer.
Hey, people don't fly with suicide jokes.
In fact, they hang with them!
What's a Ninja's worst fear?
Garmadon actually winning.
I ordered a pizza with everything on it, but I got a plain pizza.
Q: What do you get when you cross Viagra and Donald Trump?
A: Erection fraud. (Just a joke.)
Emma Watson gets hotter and hotter in the Harry Potter movies when you’re watching in reverse order.
My 19-year-old girl killed a butterfly. I said no butter for you.
She then she killed a cockroach. I told her nice try.
Did you make your bed this morning? Wanna unmake it together?
Are you a blanket? Because I love it when you’re on top of me.
I hope you remembered my name since you’ll be screaming it later.
What’s the difference between women and cars?
At least cars retain some of their value after getting wrecked.
What song do you play at an emo kid's funeral?
Van Halen's "Jump."
What do alcoholics and amputees have in common?
They are both legless.
What did the cow say to the leather chair?
“Hi Mom!”
Why do dwarfs do drugs?
To get high.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because he got hit by a car.
Why are most vacuums gay?
They’re always coming out of the closet.