Short jokes
Just accidentally emailed a porn link to a co-worker... So I emailed ten other co-workers the link and called it a virus.
Kid: Mom, what’s dark humor?
Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.
Kid: But, Mom, I’m blind!
Mom: Exactly.
I got my orphan kid a phone. She was pressing the home button, but it didn't work.
What do you call a Chinese rich man? Cha-ching!
What do Star Trek and toilet paper have in common?
Both fly around Uranus and wipe out Klingons!
Friend: Wanna hear a joke?
Other Friend: Sure.
Friend: Pussy.
Other Friend: I don't get it.
Friend: And you never will.
Can you make me a bowl of cereal? Oh wait, your dad never came back with the milk.
What can you give a white person that you can't give to a black person?
A black eye.
Yo mama is so stupid, because when she gave birth to you, she asked for a receipt!
Can you drive a pizza? Of course, as long as you change the olive oil.
What's a prisoner's favorite game?
Hangman!
Why is the orange so blind? Because it needs to take Vitamin C!
Why does no one look up at Steven Hawking?
You have to look down to see him.
Me: I know why you don't have friends.
Kid: Why?
Me: Because you can't even figure that out.
My best friend ran away with my wife. I really miss him.
Why did the terrorist cross the road?
To get to the airport!
My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.
Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting "9"!
That’s the best I’ve done so far.
Trump, must I say more?
Most people smother babies with love.
I smother them with pillows.
Why doesn't Helen Keller's kid have ears? She gave it its first haircut!