Short jokes

Your kid is so annoying, he makes his Happy Meal cry.

If I send a clown to deliver flowers to my wife...

...is that a romantic jester?

A girl tried 77.34 (77.34) times to think of a word opposite of BYE. Then her brother divided the word BYE. 77.34 divided by 100. TRY IT!!

You know the drill, but do you know the hammer? Hah, nailed that one.

But I also think I screwed it up.

Your mama is so short, she does backflips under her bed.

Q: What do you call a cranky cow?

A: Moooooooody.

Why does the sky think it's so powerful?

Because it's always looking down on us.

What do tigers wear in the winter?

A striped sweater.

What is boring? Talking about boring things.

I told her she needed to put her dog on a leash, and her boyfriend is still on a leash to this day. 😮‍💨

Why isn’t there a pregnant Barbie doll?

Ken came in a different box.

Is it incest if it’s out in the open?

Or is it... outcest?

A dick has a sad life. His hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his best friend's a pussy, and his owner beats him.

What do you call a stand-up comedian if the comedian doesn’t have legs?

Why were glow-in-the-dark condoms made?

To play Star Wars.

At the bar last night, a woman got her nipple pierced right in front of me.

On a related note, I suck at darts.

How was copper wire invented?

Two Jewish people fighting over a penny.

What do you call an autistic person? Names.

I'm autistic myself, so don't go crying in my comment section.

You know what I hate about rape?

Keeping it a secret.

Why did the carrot roll down the hill?

Because he couldn't stop his wheelchair.