Short jokes
Guy: shows girlfriend his dick.
Girlfriend: "Cool, where is it?"
The match: "Ur my match." The thighs: "You light me up."
I put someone in a wheelchair into the fire and called him "hot wheels."
My battery lasted longer than your sad, depressing life.
Did you know Paul Walker had dandruff? Neither did I til I seen his Head and Shoulders on the dashboard.
What is an orphan's dad's job?
A magician because he makes himself disappear.
Why do gay people like sports?
Because they get to play with balls.
Yo mama so fat she ate Saturn and mistook it for bubble gum.
Why do nuns not wear bras?
God supports everything.
So, my girlfriend left me. I took her wheelchair, and she came back crawling.
George Floyd is truly breathtaking.
When you realize you forgot to mop your room, you hear footsteps.
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun? Glock 46.
What is the opposite of a lady finger?
Answer: Mentos.
What should you never say to a Japanese person? "You're da bomb!"
Your forehead is so big that it's visible on the world map!
If you had the strength of an ant, you could lift the pyramid of Giza.
(Ants can lift items 20x their weight.)
What's a cannibal's favourite drink?
A Bloody Mary.
People say that they can read people's faces; then how come nobody sees me breaking inside?
Your forehead so big your thoughts started on a Monday and didn't end 'til Sunday.