Short jokes
What do priests and doctors have in common?
They both do physicals on kids.
What do Star Trek and toilet paper have in common?
Both fly around Uranus and wipe out Klingons!
What can you give a white person that you can't give to a black person?
A black eye.
Me: I know why you don't have friends.
Kid: Why?
Me: Because you can't even figure that out.
Why does no one look up at Steven Hawking?
You have to look down to see him.
Why is the orange so blind? Because it needs to take Vitamin C!
I don't say funny stuff because I'm afraid they will take the German passport from me.
What was the name of Russia's first female traffic cop?
Ivana Pulyova.
UU looks like boobies, hehe.
I didn't know I raped her. I thought she wanted me to hurry up.
I'm gonna stop telling rape jokes...
They just seem so forced.
Why can't an orphan be gay?
Because they have no one to call daddy.
How do you cure a ginger?
Chemotherapy.
What's the difference in Japanese Kamikaze and 9/11?
There is none, they both go up in flames.
What did one needle say to the other?
"You be looking sharp!"
Aren't paraplegics just plegics that can fly?
Can you drive a pizza? Of course, as long as you change the olive oil.
What was the one test that Steven Hawking couldn't pass?
reCAPTCHA
My best friend ran away with my wife. I really miss him.
PERSON: I need to go so bad!
TOILET: Long time no pee!!!