Short jokes
Why don’t orphans play baseball?
Because they don’t know where home is.
Person A: What do you call the dangly bit of an octopus?
Person B: Tentacles?
Person A: Ok *tickles person B ten times*
How do mountains see? They peek.
Q: How can you tell if a vampire is sick?
A: By how much he's coffin.
Why do bugs hate the internet?
Because they always get caught.
Get it? Inter-net?
What did the big flower say to the little flower?
Hi, Bud!
What do you call a warrior that's going to bed?
A knight knight.
What do you call an act of “funny” discipline? A PUN-ishment!
Why can't a steam locomotive sit down?
Because it has a tender behind.
Why did the ocean break up with the pond?
Because the pond was too shallow.
What’s Stephan Hawking's favorite dance move?
The robot.
Why do ghosts love elevators? They lift their spirits!
What happens when you are playing Undertale, but it's snowy in town? It SNOWED in town!
"Hotel Rwanda" has a high score on Rotten Tomatoes, but their Yelp reviews are terrible.
If someone calls you dirty minded just say:
"You are dirty minded as well if you understand what I'm saying."
What are fish not allowed to have?
Seaweed.
What do you get when I get mixed with coffee?
De-presso.
David? Mitosis.
"Lemme clap your girl's booty cheeks, daddy papi."
What commitment does a pimp make to each new hoe he turns out?
Answer: He will always be there for her after the break-in period.