Short jokes
What cookies did the orphans never try?
Home made cookies!
I put someone in a wheelchair into the fire and called him "hot wheels."
My battery lasted longer than your sad, depressing life.
What is an orphan's dad's job?
A magician because he makes himself disappear.
Yo mama so fat she ate Saturn and mistook it for bubble gum.
Why do nuns not wear bras?
God supports everything.
What's the difference between WW2 kamikaze planes and 9/11?
One of the missions succeeded.
Why do gay people like sports?
Because they get to play with balls.
So, my girlfriend left me. I took her wheelchair, and she came back crawling.
Simplest way to tell if dogs are better than cats: My dog is named Curiosity, and your cat is dead.
The 911 people really didn't scramble fast enough, so they got folded like an omelet.
When you realize you forgot to mop your room, you hear footsteps.
Pick up lines.
"One fish, two fish, three fish, I’m breaking up with you, b*tch!"
"Hey there little mister, I’m dating your sister."
The good thing about being gay in school is that you can be the best student and still get all the D's.
What do you call a bunch of Paki's jumping off a cliff?
Chocolate drops.
What do you call it when a chameleon won't change colors?
A reptile dysfunction.
My cousin asked me, "What do you think was going through Hitler's mind right before he died?"
I told him, "Probably a bullet."
Did the people of England see a "game over" sign in the sky when the queen died?
If you’ve got depression, then your life is a joke. Everyone laughs at both.
People trying to stop me from being depressed: “Just cheer up!”
Me: “WOW, I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT!”