Short jokes
what do you get when you cross parents, the san fran bridge and a moody asian teen?
Niagra falls
Why do scuba divers fall backwards off of the boat?
Because if they fell forward, they'd still be on the boat.
When the quiet kid gets angry and the sped kid sees your hiding spot.
Bing, bang, boom!
2,996 kill streak, boom!
What is Michael Jackson's favorite drink? Tea-hee-hee!
Why do orphans hate health ed at school?
Their parents can't opt them out of it.
I learned my dad got into a car crash this morning.
And my driver's license got revoked too.
What did Michael Jackson say before he died, as far as his childhood? "This is it."
Yo mom's so old, she was happily accepted into the museum.
My math teacher asked me what a liked term was. I told her I couldn't say, never experienced it.
Christopher Walkin: "This is a literal universal remote! It actually controls your life! You can pause, you can rewi-"
Me: power button.
What’s the only advantage of being an orphan?
Nobody makes jokes about yo mamma.
They told me throwing babies was bad, but guess what I did yesterday? I threw my baby cousin down the escalator.
The F in orphans stands for family...
An orphan? We no jokes.
Jokeless orphan since they were always stacked on jokes.
Someone was throwing Stephen King books at everyone. I had no idea why though...
Then IT hit me.
Today we had a test on September 11th in school. I got a 9/11.
Why can't people in wheelchairs be gay? Cuz you can't be a fruit and a vegetable at the same time.
Mom: I'm getting you a dog!
Me: OMG REALLY?!
Mom: Yeah, what gender do you want?
Me:...
Me: Bitch, please.
What did they give Elmo before he left the factory? Two test-tickles.