Short jokes
"How would you describe yourself in three words?"
"Lazy!"
A dad tells his son, "Stop masturbating! If you do it too long, you will go blind."
The son replied, "Dad, I'm over here!"
Hatsune Miku is not from an anime.
What does my arm have in common with paper?
They both can be cut.
My husband is mad that I have no sense of direction, so I packed up my stuff and left. Right?
What does Jeffrey Dahmer and Travis Scott have in common?
Eight dead people.
Steven Hawking had dark humor.
Whenever he turned on his laugh effect, it diverted power from his screen brightness.
I played the Angry Birds theme while watching a 9/11 documentary.
How to escape your black school teacher in detention?
(Easy)
Turn off the lights!
A vegan and a transgender jump off a cliff to see who will hit the bottom first.
Who wins?
Society.
What does a woman and a hurricane have in common?
They’re nice and wet at first, but in the end they take everything.
What do you call a fat midget?
Jigglypuff.
"Explain bear is a homosexual, confirmed."
I joined ISIS to help my self-esteem issues.
Everyone kept telling me, "You’re the bomb!"
Do you know what's in common between a hitman and a photographer?
They all shoot people for a living.
A man hit a woman with his car, who is wrong?
The man, because you can’t drive into the kitchen.
What is Jeffrey Dahmer's favorite song?
"Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes."
My wife said I didn’t listen to a single thing she says.
What a weird way to start a conversation!
What do you call a movie at Bill Cosby’s house?
Netflix and pill.
What are the basic ingredients when a cannibal makes a sandwich?
2 slices of Brad.