Short jokes
Why did the doctor tell the man to go for a mountain walk?
Alps clear the mind! Haha.
So I was living with a girl for a few weeks, and it was nice until she found out that I was there.
Jesus lives on a long timeline, so he may seem slow to you.
They say the polar ice caps are melting, good, because my wife's a fat, cold bitch.
What’s the best part of having sex with a pregnant woman?
You can have sex and a blow job at the same time.
You know what's the most awkward situation in the world? A rapper with erectile dysfunction.
What’s long and hard and full of semen?
A submarine.
The warden is stronger than the ender dragon, but WHY IS IT NOT A BOSS?
(Doesn't have boss bar.)
I used to be into fitness. But running from my problems got exhausting.
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.
What does a French guy say when he falls off?
Oh no, Eiffel!
Why wasn’t the orphan allowed on the game show?
The show was called "Family Feud."
Someone told me I looked gay today. I told him that my clothes just came out of the closet this morning.
What is the worst thing about licking a bald fanny?
Putting the nappy on afterwards.
Q: Why did the Scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz win an award?
A: Because he was outstanding in his field.
Why did the emo go to the store?
To buy bleach.
I got my blind friend a TV... He never uses it.
I cut my dick. It is all right now, and half the size but makes for excellent breakfast.
Person A: Where do you come from?
Person B: Liberia.
Person A: *speaks softer* Oh sorry, do you come from?
When you breathe.