Short jokes
I’m not saying my life’s a joke. I’m saying it’s the punchline no one asked for.
What did Snow White say when she sat on Pinocchio? "Lie to me."
What happened to the frog that partied illegally?
He got TOAD away!
What's the difference between your mom and a laundromat washer?
The washer doesn't take loads for free.
Why do witches wear name tags?
So they know which witch is which!
American soldier: "Did you come here to die?"
Australian soldier: "Nah mate, I came 'ere yesterdie."
Why do dolphins live in salt water?
Because pepper water would make them sneeze!
Fat people are like the Twin Towers. Once they go down, they don’t come back up.
What do planes and offices have in common?
They both tend to cross paths at the wake of disaster.
Q. What does Michael Jackson get his sex partners as a gift?
A. Crayons.
How to escape your black school teacher in detention?
(Easy)
Turn off the lights!
What does a woman and a hurricane have in common?
They’re nice and wet at first, but in the end they take everything.
What is the best game for a deaf person?
Charades.
Yo mama so ugly, when I put her next to a naked mole rat, it said "bluetooth connected."
I like my women how I like my scotch: 11 years old and mixed with Coke.
How do you throw a surprise party at the hospital?
Throw a strobe light in the epileptic ward.
How do you get a black girl to suck your meat?
Put barbecue sauce on it.
I saw my wife at the dam yesterday, which sucks because I wanted her to flow further down.
What did the trans woman say after finally telling her parents about her surgeries?
“It felt really good to get that off my chest.”
What do you call a movie at Bill Cosby’s house?
Netflix and pill.