Short jokes
What were the Fortnite kid's last words? "I didn't know pumps are back in the game!"
How do you tell if someone is depressed?
The brains on the wall.
Violence is never the answer:
It's the solution.
Yesterday I wanted to look up the term "procrastination".
I swear, I'll do it tomorrow.
What time is it when it turns 13 o'clock?
Time to get a new watch.
How to get a girl in three steps:
Step 1: grab a pillow.
Step 2: grab a blanket.
Step 3: keep dreaming.
What's Technoblade's favorite show and is the only one he can relate to?
Peppa Pig: Peppa Dies!
How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the jaw.
I told a kid in a wheelchair, "Use your nitro boosts!"
Hey, I just found out my toaster is waterproof! :D
Go on the quintillionaire morning routine now!
1. Wake up. 2. Take a shit. 3. Eat. 4. Get out of bed. 5. Have breakfast.
Why did the pen stop writing?
'Cause the pen wasn't very dependable.
How many men does it take to open a bottle of beer?
A: None, it should be opened by the time she brings it.
Good night, sleep tight, wake up bright in the morning light, to do what's right, with all your might.
If I had a garden, I would put your tulips against my tulips... 🌷
How do you make a suicidal guy go bungee jumping?
Tie the bungee cord around his neck.
Why was the dog stealing shingles?
He wanted to be a woofer.
Why do dwarfs work at Tesco?
Because every little helps!
Uranus, ur-anus, your anus. Anus is what's in between your two buttocks.
Why's it so hard to come out of the closet? Just open the door!