Miss Jokes

Anonymous
in Orphan

New Teacher: I was an orphan as a kid.

Students: OOF

Teacher: Is anyone missing.

Students: Your Parents

anime_and_fanfic_lover

They told me I could never be an actor…

No one suspected me when they went missing the next day.

0
sans
in Bar

a man walks into a bar, and notices a steak hanging from the ceiling. when he asks the bartender about it, the bartender says “If you can jump up and hit it, drinks are on the house for the night, but if you miss, everyone’s drinks are on your tab for the next two hours. Do you want to try?” the man decided not to take the risk. he thought the steaks where too high.

8
Rhys Nolan
in Orphan

Why are Orphans so bad at dodgeball

Because no one misses them

9
Hangy boi

Teacher: Ok class I’m going to ask a question about your family. Alex: Miss my Dad died In 9/11 Teacher: OH NO IM SO SORRY! Alex: Don’t worry miss It was only Dad and besides he did what he wanted before he died. Teacher: What was that? Alex: Flew the plane.

3
punny
in Puns

My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.

4
Anonymous
in Yo mama

Yo mama so fat, when she walked by the TV, I missed three episodes.

4
an a......

When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker’s circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his driver (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking.

“I have an idea, boss,” his driver said. “I’ve heard you give this speech so many times. I’ll bet I could give it for you.” Einstein laughed loudly and said, “Why not? Let’s do it!”

When they arrived at the dinner, Einstein donned the driver’s cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The driver gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein’s speech and even answered a few questions expertly.

Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody’s fool. Without missing a beat, the driver fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, “Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my driver, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me.”

Sans
in Puns

My ex-wife still misses me… BUT HER AIM IS GETTIN BETTER!

Brooky

Things I would have missed if my attempt in 2018 worked…

My attempts in 2019,2020 and 2021!

The Special

My favorite quote will always be, “Sketchy candy is better than no candy”

  • One of the thousands of missing children
3

New Teacher: I was an orphan as a kid.

Students: sad

Teacher: anyway Is anyone missing.

Students: Your Parents

Anonymous
in Orphan

What’s missing in an orphanage computer?

The mother board

BadAtJokes
in Puns

i use to work at a calendar factory but i got fired because i missed a few days

2
TheRiotHouse

A man tried to shoot Adolf Hitler but missed. Then Adolf replied, “Oh shoot, I did nazi that coming!”

4
Just a thought

You know it’s only considered murder if there’s a body. Otherwise it’s just a missing person.

Anonymous

What’s the difference between humans and bullets?

Humans miss John Lennon

2
Anonymous

When your mom tries to hit you with the belt but misses and hits herself… #victoryroyale

0
the guy in your closet

I had a huge crush on this girl when I was eight, one recess we met together on the playground and she brought me to the corner of the playground, that was my first kiss and from there it got serious. I told my parents a week later and they freaked out, called the police and they aressted my crush. I miss Mrs. Johnson

hi
in Orphan

New Teacher: I was an orphan as a kid.

Students: OOOF

Teacher: Is anyone missing.

Students: Your Parents.