Miss Jokes

Orphan

Anonymous
·

New Teacher: I was an orphan as a kid.

Students: OOF

Teacher: Is anyone missing.

Students: Your Parents

Actor

anime_and_fanfic_lover
·

They told me I could never be an actor....

No one suspected me when they went missing the next day.

0

Bar

sans
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a man walks into a bar, and notices a steak hanging from the ceiling. when he asks the bartender about it, the bartender says "If you can jump up and hit it, drinks are on the house for the night, but if you miss, everyone's drinks are on your tab for the next two hours. Do you want to try?" the man decided not to take the risk. he thought the steaks where too high.

8

Worry

Hangy boi
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Teacher: Ok class I'm going to ask a question about your family. Alex: Miss my Dad died In 9/11 Teacher: OH NO IM SO SORRY! Alex: Don't worry miss It was only Dad and besides he did what he wanted before he died. Teacher: What was that? Alex: Flew the plane.

3

Puns

punny
·

My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.

4

Orphan

Rhys Nolan
·

Why are Orphans so bad at dodgeball

Because no one misses them

Yo mama

Anonymous
·

Yo mama so fat, when she walked by the TV, I missed three episodes.

4

Man

an a......
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When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker’s circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his driver (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking.

“I have an idea, boss,” his driver said. “I’ve heard you give this speech so many times. I’ll bet I could give it for you.” Einstein laughed loudly and said, “Why not? Let’s do it!”

When they arrived at the dinner, Einstein donned the driver's cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The driver gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein’s speech and even answered a few questions expertly.

Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody’s fool. Without missing a beat, the driver fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, “Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my driver, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me.”

Puns

Sans
·

My ex-wife still misses me... BUT HER AIM IS GETTIN BETTER!

Attempt

Brooky
·

Things I would have missed if my attempt in 2018 worked…

My attempts in 2019,2020 and 2021!

Candy

The Special
·

My favorite quote will always be, "Sketchy candy is better than no candy" - One of the thousands of missing children

4

Personal

Just a thought
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You know it's only considered murder if there's a body. Otherwise it's just a missing person.

Puns

BadAtJokes
·

i use to work at a calendar factory but i got fired because i missed a few days

2

Shooting

TheRiotHouse
·

A man tried to shoot Adolf Hitler but missed. Then Adolf replied, "Oh shoot, I did nazi that coming!"

5

John

Anonymous
·

What's the difference between humans and bullets?

Humans miss John Lennon

2

Orphan

Anonymous
·

What's missing in an orphanage computer?

The mother board

Belt

Anonymous
·

When your mom tries to hit you with the belt but misses and hits herself... #victoryroyale

0

Hit

Anonymous
·

Osama's aim was horrible, one of his angry birds missed and hit a field in Pennsylvania.