Short jokes
I’m not saying my life’s a joke. I’m saying it’s the punchline no one asked for.
What's the difference between your mom and a laundromat washer?
The washer doesn't take loads for free.
Why do witches wear name tags?
So they know which witch is which!
Why do dolphins live in salt water?
Because pepper water would make them sneeze!
Fat people are like the Twin Towers. Once they go down, they don’t come back up.
I feel bad for the guy in 9/11 who ordered a salami pizza. Instead, he just got a plane.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Draggin’.
Draggin’ who?
Draggin’ these balls around yo’ face.
I want to write some jokes about unemployed people, but none of them works.
Next time you see a Brit, go up to them and say:
"Imagine losing a 'Tea Party in Boston.'"
What was Jesus's favorite sport?
Lacrosse.
What happened to the frog that partied illegally?
He got TOAD away!
There are a lot of things that explode... like cars, boats, the Twin Towers.
What do planes and offices have in common?
They both tend to cross paths at the wake of disaster.
Why does Santa come down the chimney? Because he knows he isn't allowed to come in the back door.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? Apples get picked. Orphans don't.
I bought a coffin on Black Friday. It was a killer deal.
What did Snow White say when she sat on Pinocchio? "Lie to me."
What is the definition of confusion?
Three blind lesbians in a fish market.
How do you blind an Irish woman?
You put a bottle of Scotch in front of her.
How do you know you broke into a gay man’s house?
They only have a back door.