Short jokes
What’s the difference between a thief and a pervert?
One will snatch your watch, the other will watch your snatch.
Your career might be in the north, but it's going south :)
Why did Helen Keller's dog kill itself? I would too if all I heard was "daaaaaaah!"
See, morbid humor is just like water, not everyone gets it.
Eric's mom asked her son why his bag was heavy and if it was because of books. Eric replied, "No, magazines."
How do you know if someone is a vegan or has run a marathon?
They'll tell you.
Why was the snowman smiling?
Because he saw the snow blower coming down the street.
What did Cinderella say when she sat on Pinocchio? "Lie to me."
Why is the Z the only politically correct letter?
Because all the other letters are not Z's.
Something you can say at a job interview and during sex:
"I’m here for the new position?"
What do you call a blowjob from a girl who has autism?
Special head.
I piss on blind kids and tell them it's raining.
I piss on blind kids and tell them it's raining.
I started crying when my dad cut up onions.
Onions was such a good hamster.
Osama bin laden hit the towers because he couldnt fly straight
What is the only warm organ in a dead woman?
My dick!
Yo, everyone! My sis is pregnant, and I’m gonna be a dad!
So the other day, I saw a child in a wheelchair.
He was getting bullied a lot, so I came up and said, "Why don't you stand up to those bullies?"
Do y'all know the saying "Hang in there?" Well, fuck that, because I might as well be hanging myself.
My nan must really love the quiet game, she's been playing it for ages.