Short jokes
Dear Autocorrect, I never wanted to spell the word "bigger".
What do you call someone in a wheelchair during a California fire?
A steamed vegetable.
What do maths and 9/11 have in common?
They both prove two parallel lines can be intercepted by a plane.
What type of lettuce did they serve on the Titanic? - Iceberg.
Why doesn't Jesus buy beer?
Hebrews.
What's the similarity between Catholic Priests and McDonalds? They both like sticking their meat in 6-year-old buns.
How do you drown a blonde? You tape a mirror to the bottom of a 13-foot deep pool.
If Stephen Hawking was so fucking smart, why hasn't he learned to walk yet?
What do you call a group of white people running down a hill?
An avalanche.
Boner.
Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One says to the other, "I blew like 20 bucks in there!"
Why did Timmy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.
Why did the little boy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.
What has more brains than the Columbine students? The wall behind them, xD.
Two baby seals walk into a club.
A white dude walks up to a Muslim and says, "So you're an Indian?" and the Muslim says, "No brotha, I'm not 7-Eleven, I'm 9/11."
Kenney lost his virginity to a $10 hooker, but he only had to pay $5. She was his sister, so he got the family discount.
What do cows eat for breakfast? -- Moosli.
The twin towers are like water bottles.
It's all right if you knock them down as long as you pick up the mess.
How is being gay like a geology class? You can lick all the rocks you want.