Short jokes
What do you call being run over by Michael Jackson?
Being hit by... Being struck by... A smooth criminal.
People keep telling me they hope Kenny never has kids.
I don't think that's a worry. His mom is much too old to get pregnant.
Why haven’t any women gone to the moon?
A: It doesn’t need to be cleaned.
Why is vegetable soup hard to cook? Because you can't fit the wheelchair in!
I was raped everyday for years. I can still smile. I hold the record for the widest asshole.
What's a rapist's fav position?
Missionary in a dark corner.
I hate Russian dolls. They're so full of themselves.
What do Michael Jackson and Tesco carrier bags have in common? They’re both made out of plastic and harmful to children.
Why did the guy's birthday party stink?
Because he was turning farty!
What is Forrest Gump’s email password?
1forrest1.
I asked a French man if he played videogames, and he said, "Wii!"
what do you call a shadow stalker REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
What’s red and very rare?
A baby in a blender.
Who read the most words?
911 passengers, they read 12 stories in 9.10 seconds.
I want to die in my sleep, like grandpa did, not screaming and crying like the people on the bus he drove.
Rainbows top the class, as they always score with flying colors.
My father left me at a young age.
He was only five.
What do sheep wear to the beach?
A baa-kini.
What do rats like on their birthday? Mice cream and cake.
I will always remember my dad's last words....
"15 dollars and I'll jump."