Short jokes
How do you know when your wife is cheating on you?
She comes home with sparkles on her face.
What's the most unrealistic part of Harry Potter?
A ginger with friends.
Doctor: You don't have long to live. 10...
Patient: Ten what? Ten years, ten months?
Doctor: 9... 8... 7...
How did the hipster drown?
He ice-skated before it was cool.
How do you name an Asian child?
Ring the doorbell.
Yo mamma so stupid, she starved to death in a grocery store.
What do you call someone who takes care of chickens?
A chicken tender.
A is for apple, B is for dyslexia—oh wait, no! That’s D!
How did Helen Keller burn the side of her head? She answered the iron.
How'd she burn the other side? They called back.
My girlfriend's a porn star.
She'd kill me if she found out.
Dear Slim Shady,
balls.
Guys, we shouldn't make jokes about 9/11. My dad was a victim.
He was the best pilot in Arab.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Thanos snapped.
Incest.
When "slow down and apply more lube bro" REALLY means slow down and apply more lube bro.
How are mountains able to see?
They peak!
I'm not racist, my best friends are black for Halloween. :)
Why did Stephen Hawking's wife get annoyed with him?
He had an affair with Alexa.
Yo forehead so big, NASA thought it was Mars.
What did PETA say when a cheetah won 5 million dollars?
You can't beat a cheetah!
What noise does Stephen Hawking make when he dies? Windows shutting down theme tune.