What do Phillip Adam and Kurt Cobain have in common?
They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.
Short Jokes
What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza? Pizza won't cut itself.
Why did Helen Keller sign the n-word?
She thought she was black.
I got in big trouble the other day, though it was pretty unfair. Babies kick pregnant women all the time, and yet I got arrested anyways.
What's an emo's favorite game?
Limbo.
(If you don't understand the joke, go look up what Limbo is.)
What is the difference between a hooker and a feminist?
If you want a hooker to be a bitch, you have to give her money first.
Why are Americans so bad at Clash of Clans? Because they already lost two towers.
Whenever I have diarrhea, my roommate gets constipated.
When I told him this, he said, "Are you kidding me?"
I said, "I shit you not."
How do you get to the Hogwarts gym?
Go through the dumbbell door.
Why was Tickle Me Elmo upset when he left the factory?
Because they only gave him one test tickle.
My parents were concerned when I said I like to bleed, but at least I cut my risk of cancer and stroke in half.
All orphans must be gay because they are not home o'fobic.
Stop making 9/11 jokes. They don't land so well.
What do orphans like about tattoos? They stick around.
Why did the Titanic cross the river to get to the bottom?
What is a gay person’s favourite meal?
Willy con carne.
Hey, are you a terrorist? 'Cause I rate you 9/11.
How do you blindfold an Asian? String!
A favorite childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandfather, that is until my mom took the urn away from me.
Crispy, Juicy, Tender, I just put my new-born son in a blender.
