Short jokes

What is the most difficult day in the ghetto?

Father's Day.

How does Stephen Hawking take a shit? He logs out.

What do you say to a fat Asian?

You got more chins than a Chinese phone book.

My girlfriend's a porn star.

She'd kill me if she found out.

You guys should be ashamed of yourselves, making fun of the disabled. After all, they can't stand up for themselves.

What do you do when your baby starts screaming?

Use more lube.

I used to have a fear of hurdles.

But I got over it.

Q: What did the cannibal say to the leper?

A: You gonna eat that?

What do Evil Knievel and Michael Jackson have in common? Both have skidmarks on their helmets.

My mom told me to get off the computer or she will slam my head into the keyboard.

I don't think she lskdjfklsdjf.

What do emos and the Twin Towers have in common? There were two, but now there are none.

Your forehead is too big. I can see my future when it shines.

I cried when my dad was chopping onions. Onions was a good dog.

A man walks into a bar with a 44. Magnum and yells, "Who the fuck fucked my wife?" The bartender answers, "Mate, you ain't got enough bullets."

Me: My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday, and I had her wheelchair.

Me: Guess who came crawling right back?

I love necrophilia, but only if it's consensual!

I drew a picture of a whale in the ocean. My brother asked, "What are you drawing?" I said, "You taking a shower."

Can I branch out to some tree puns? Willow you allow me it’s only fur. No? Oakome on!

Helen Keller fell down a well. She screamed and screamed until she was blue in the hands.

How do you confuse a blonde? Put it in a circle and tell it to sit in the corner.