Short jokes
Why are washers better than babies?
Washers don't cry when you put a load in them.
What do emo kids and Hitler have in common?
There's gonna be more brains on the wall when they lose something.
Flat Earther pickup line: "The Earth may be flat, but Uranus is round."
Why do people think Jesus is going to come back? He wasn’t nailed to a fucking boomerang!
What's the difference between humans and trash cans? One's actually useful.
The Arabian Sea is in which state?
Liquid.
My best friend got ligma. (Ah, did he? Sorry bro.) LIGMA BALLS!
I like Cheetos.
Are you a camera? Because every time I look at you, I smile.
Are your hands feeling heavy? Because I can hold them for you.
What is Hitler's favorite food? A hindenburger.
Book on Michael Jackson: Issued black; returned white.
What do you get when you put 50 lawyers in a room with 50 lesbians? One hundred people who don't do dick.
I'm shocked, my new toaster isn't waterproof.
What do maths and 9/11 have in common?
They both prove two parallel lines can be intercepted by a plane.
Did you hear that Daft Punk came out with a cook book?
It's called "One More Thyme."
Husband: "I think I might take a picture of your breasts and frame it."
Wife: "I think I'll take a picture of your penis and enlarge it."
I tried to take a fog machine, but I took the wrong one. Needless to say, it was a big mist-take.
What kind of shorts do clouds wear?
Thunderwear.
I was going to write a corny joke, but those are a bit too EAR-itating.