Short jokes
There is a thin line between death and life!
You won't live to see it.....
The Cardiogram will!!
I don't have luck with other angels.
So I just WING IT!
Sometimes, I think back on all the mistakes I've ever made.
Then I realize, "My daughter isn't THAT bad..."
Billy: *spits out food*
Mom: BILLY! We swallow what we have in our mouths.
Dad: *looks at mom*
Mom: Shut up.
If you get it, you get it.
Parents: "OH! Honey, we were just wrestling!"
Little Johnny: "OK! I'll join you!"
My grandpa kept warning the people on the Titanic that the boat was going to sink. Result: he got kicked out of the movie theater.
What do you do when a person with epilepsy gets seizures in the bathtub? Throw in some laundry.
If I'm ugly, why do you always look at me when I come in the door?
Did anyone get my joke? It probably flew over your heads, oops I meant through.
Q: Who are the fastest readers? A: Twin Tower victims, they got 80 stories in ten seconds.
I saw my wife at the dam yesterday. Drat. I was hoping she might float a bit more downstream.
I was making sandcastles with my Nan, then my mum came in the room and took away the urn.
I figured out why everyone is buying toilet paper. Because a huge rock is headed towards Earth, and paper covers rock.
The thing I don't like about shopping centers...
When you see one, you've seen a mall.
Why can't a blonde call 911?
She can't find the 11.
Q. What did Hitler give his niece for her birthday?
A. An easy bake oven.
What does a roller coaster and Michael Jackson have in common?
Kids ride for free.
Why are Asian's eyes always squinted?
Nukes are bright.
My mom said she will slam my head into my computer if I don't get off it. I'm not too worried though, I think she is just joking.
Why is that kid walking like that? Oh, he's an alter boy.