Short jokes
I was rooting for Donald Trump to be president.
We haven't had a presidential assassination in a while.
What did the green light say to the red light? - Don't look, I'm changing!
I'll never forget how my grandmother died. "This lemonade tastes like bleach..."
What do you call an idiotic cow?
A mis-steak!
What kind of woman does Bill Cosby like the most?
The “cold and passed out” kind.
What's better than sex with your 12 year old sister?
Rolling her over and pretending it's your 10 year old brother.
What do you call a Mexican that hung him self? a pinata
I unfriended Paul Walker on Xbox because he was always on the dashboard.
Weather is like sex. Once in a while you need to get wet.
I heard that my crush got kicked in the balls and when I thought of it...
Cops go to the hood when the shooting range is closed.
Why did Stephen Hawking die? He didn't pay his electricity bills.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
What does Stephen Hawking say after sex? That was wheely good.
I'm not racist, my best friends are black for Halloween. :)
What was Hitler's lucky number?
Nein.
What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?
You can't hear an enzyme.
I was going to buy a pocket calculator. But then I thought, who cares how many pockets I have?
Women are like iPhones, you have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberrys, rub one ball and everything moves!
My friend told me my wrist wasn't a cutting board. So I asked her if hers was at all, and if I could borrow it.