Short jokes
My mom said she would miss me if I committed suicide, so we made it double.
What do you get when you gobble down sweets?
Moment and I
What did the blanket say when he fell off the bed?
Oh sheet!
What is an emoticon's favorite dessert?
An emochi. (search up mochi)
Why did Obama marry Michelle?
Because he's into chicks with dicks.
Eh.
What's the difference between an orphan's life and a knife?
A knife has a point.
Why couldn't the sunflower ride its bike? It lost its petals!
Two rabbits were racing. Neither could get ahead, so they ended in a hare-tie!
What does a husband of a woman do when he is horny?
He goes on a business trip with 100 $1 dollar bills.
I found two of the same Lego Duplo sets, so I called ‘em “Duplocates.”
What's Barack Obama's favorite vegetable? It's Barack-olli.
What was the winning play at the leper football game? A hand off up the middle.
Roses are red,
romance is dead,
every day I suffer from existential dread.
What did the man say to his wife, wanna play?
Why did little Jonny drop his ice cream?
He was hit by a bus.
Being an orphan isn’t all bad.
On the bright side, all your snacks are family sized.
Me after Taco Bell: Go to: [link to image of broken toilet]
Read the name.
Joke: It felt good going through those Twin Towers!