Short jokes
How does E.T. have an advantage over orphans? E.T. can actually phone home.
I like my women how I like my wine: 12 years old and locked in a cellar.
I wish I could be as visible as my depression is.
Science flies you to the moon, but religion flies you into skyscrapers.
What's a suicidal person's favorite game?
Hangman.
What’s the difference between my lawn and my wrists?
Nothing, I cut both of them.
What's the difference between the Twin Towers and an ugly girl? The Twin Towers at least got fucked.
How are school shooting victims and school shooting jokes similar?
They never get old.
Fatty and Skinny were in a bed.
Fatty rolled over, and Skinny was dead.
My grandfather never threw anything away, bless him. He died in the war holding on to a hand grenade.
Why can't orphans watch PG movies? Because they are parental guidance.
Snow everywhere, it's Christmas time. A person looks at the tree.
The person: "Only the last thing left to hang!"
He grabs a noose.
My neck, my back, my crippling anxiety attacks.
These jokes are fun for the whole family to enjoy.
I'm a fast reader, I can go through 20 stories in a few seconds.
What song do orphans hate the most? "We are family."
What's the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator?
The fridge don't fart when you take your meat out.
Orphan boy: "Your dad is probably disappointed in you. I mean, look at you."
Me: "Well, at least my parents kept me. Where are yours?"
What is 6.9?
A beautiful thing ruined by a period.
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
Must be more than 13, because my basement is still dark.