Short jokes
How do you stop a baby from crawling around in a circle on the floor?
You nail its other hand to the floor.
Q: Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?
A: So she can moan with the other.
Society: :-)
I: :')
Society: you're doing it WRONG. It's :-) not :')
I: :'D
Wanna know why not to joke about 9/11? They usually crash the party.
What's the worst thing to star in?
An amber alert.
I cry a lot for someone who isn’t even properly hydrated.
What is a suicide pack's favorite song?...
Let the bodies hit the floor.
I went trick or treating this year with friends. Good thing I dressed as a zombie...
no one could tell that it was their blood.
I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note... it's a start...
What do you call a kid with cancer walking through the airport?
•Terminal
What are the similarities between an orphan and a newborn plant?
Both their parents were separated.
English is weird. It can be understood through tough, thorough thought, though.
My friend asked me to describe myself in 3 words...
"Lazy."
My friend was a victim of a school shooting once, but he couldn't tell if they were in the library because of the suppressor on his AR.
What's the difference between a school bus and my Dad's van?
School buses usually don't have screaming and crying children.
Welcome back to the hide and seek world championship! Osama Bin Laden vs. Anne Frank!
What did Jenny get for her birthday after a car accident?
An amputation.
What movie does an orphan want for Christmas? "Spiderman: Homecoming";)
Why do I only date orphans?
Because they never have daddy issues.
Why did God invent yeast infections? So women would know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt too.