Short jokes
I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note... it's a start...
What do you call a kid with cancer walking through the airport?
•Terminal
My friend asked me to describe myself in 3 words...
"Lazy."
My friend was a victim of a school shooting once, but he couldn't tell if they were in the library because of the suppressor on his AR.
English is weird. It can be understood through tough, thorough thought, though.
When you go to an orphanage for a field trip: When the workers said, "I remember you as a kid."
What movie does an orphan want for Christmas? "Spiderman: Homecoming";)
What's the difference between a school bus and my Dad's van?
School buses usually don't have screaming and crying children.
Why do I only date orphans?
Because they never have daddy issues.
Welcome back to the hide and seek world championship! Osama Bin Laden vs. Anne Frank!
What did Jenny get for her birthday after a car accident?
An amputation.
Why did God invent yeast infections? So women would know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt too.
Someone stole my toilet, and the police have nothing to go on.
If I die, delete my search history.
Me: Wanna play 9/11?
Friend: What's that?
Me: It's a game where I kick you in both legs and watch you fall.
What do the initials ACLU stand for?
🤔
American Communist Lawyers Union.
what is the fastest country? iran.
What do you call an expert fisherman?
A "MASTER-BAITER".
I started a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.
Girl: "How do you feel about abortion?"
Dad: "Ask your sister."
Girl: "I don't have a..."