Short jokes
What do you do when life gives you lemons? Slit your wrist and give a lemon a twist. 🙂💊💉
What flour do orphans use when baking? Self-Raising (Rising).
An orphan made an Instagram. He did not know what that symbol was on the bottom left hand corner.
A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
Why are orphans so skinny?
They never eat anything that is family size.
Today was the worst day ever! My brother got run over, and I lost my driver's license!
What do you call an orphan if every other orphan gets picked?
Someone: Ugly?
Me: No, trick question, they are still an orphan.
Why did the orphan become a killer?
Because he knew they would not look for him.
What has two legs and is red all over?
Half a cat.
9/11... 911... COINCIDENCE I THINK NOT!
Those poor kids at Sandy Hook, all they wanted was books. Instead, they got magazines.
What's red, small, wet, and crawls up your leg?
A homesick abortion.
What songs do people with no arms listen to?
None, 'cause they can’t press play.
Q: What's the difference between me and cancer?
A: My dad didn't beat cancer...
Did you hear they think Michael Jackson died from food poisoning? He ate 12-year-old nuts and a 13-year-old wiener.
It's muffi time, 'cause I wanna die, die, die.
What do you call a heterosexual man performing fellatio on another heterosexual man?
Bisexual.
Q: Why can orphans swim?
A: They have or-fins.
These are all really nice jokes, but here is one.
Boy: Spell ME.
Girl: M-E.
Boy: You forgot the D.
Girl: There is no D in ME.
Boy: Not yet.
What did the woman do when the armed police officer raped her?
Freeze.