Short jokes
If I die, delete my search history.
Me: Wanna play 9/11?
Friend: What's that?
Me: It's a game where I kick you in both legs and watch you fall.
What do the initials ACLU stand for?
🤔
American Communist Lawyers Union.
What do you call an expert fisherman?
A "MASTER-BAITER".
what is the fastest country? iran.
I started a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.
Girl: "How do you feel about abortion?"
Dad: "Ask your sister."
Girl: "I don't have a..."
What's red and in a corner?
A baby with a razor blade.
What's green and in a corner?
The same baby three weeks later.
Why do orphans get offended by dark humor?
It doesn’t hit home.
What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? -- The wheelchair.
What do most 50-year-old men put inside their cars?
Children.
How to punish a blind kid, rearrange his bedroom.
What is a pedophile's favorite song?
Jerking off in A minor.
What's the difference between humans and bullets?
Humans miss John Lennon.
What's the difference between an American 12-year-old and an African 12-year-old? About 40 pounds.
What's the difference between Jesus and the baby I have in my basement?
Jesus died a virgin.
Son: Dad, am I adopted?
Father: What? No! Out of all the kids in the adoption center, do you really think I would pick you?
What was Osama Bin Laden's favorite drink?
A Double Manhattan.
What were the terrorists on 9/11 thinking?
"We can't go over it." "Can't go under it." "We have to go through it!"
Why are babies called bundles of joy?
When you break the bundle, it gives you joy.