Short jokes
One man's trash is another man's treasure... Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out you're adopted.
Why do prostitutes love servicing zombies? They always leave a tip.
Technically, suicide is murder, and murder is illegal, so if I kill myself, my body should go to jail.
The twin towers are like genders, there used to be two of them.
Guys, my sister's pregnant!
I'm finally a dad!
(just a joke) My grandfather was involved in 9/11. I’ve kept his pilot medals for how good of a pilot he was.
I have a fish that can breakdance!
Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
(sorry in advance this joke is brutal)
What has 12 heads and 24 eyes?
The bin at the back of the abortion clinic.
What do you call someone who wants to commit suicide by jumping off a building?
A cliffhanger.
What do you do when you see a sad orphan?
Nothing, let them wait for their parents.
Girl: I've been an orphan since I was three.
Boy: Knock knock.
Girl: ...Who's there?
Boy: Not your parents!
Why did Sally get to go to Hawaii for free?
She washed up on the beach.
What’s the difference between hungry and horny?
Where you put the cucumber 🥒
Depression hits harder than my dad.
Why are orphans so good at tennis?
Because that’s the only love they get.
Q: What's an orphan's favorite part of a website?
A: The homepage.
Did you hear that Stephen Hawking wrote a new book? It's called "Around The House in Eighty Days."
My dad is like my virginity. I lost him at 12.
Allan: What are you doing Saturday night?
Museum girl: Committing suicide.
Allan: What about Friday night?
What's the difference between a bus full of children and a fish?
The fish can swim.