Short jokes
Proof that 9/11 isn't a government plot.
It worked.
You know what flowers and depressed people have in common?
Both end up getting cut.
1 minute silence for those who still think thoughts can't kill you.
What is worse to have - a dead baby or a dead Santa Claus?
Santa. You need extra freezers for reindeer.
What do orphans call their parents?
Unicorns because they don’t exist.
What's the difference between a dead baby in a dumpster and a treasure chest? It's a surprise when you find the treasure.
On 9/11, the Twin Towers ordered 3 pepperoni pizzas. One came in plain, the other came in late, the third went to the wrong address.
What happens when a computer thinks it knows better than a human?
Ask Boeing.
What is long, brown, and cures depression?
A noose.
What do you call a fat Chinese man?
A double chinkey.
JFK: Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head.
What is a dead kid's favorite anime? Bleach.
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
Today is sad. My sister got hit by a car, and I lost my license as a driver.
What is an orphan's favorite beer?
"Fosters."
My doctor said, "You have 1 year to live."
I said, "You wanna bet?"
Bam, a gunshot!
Is it bad to hit an orphan?
It's not like they'll tell their parents.
Where is the cheapest gun range? Your local public school.
What do terrorists do on 9/11? They have a game of Jenga.
Depression is like therapy; the more you see it, the more you get used to it.