Short jokes
I started a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.
What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? -- The wheelchair.
What's red and in a corner?
A baby with a razor blade.
What's green and in a corner?
The same baby three weeks later.
Why do orphans get offended by dark humor?
It doesn’t hit home.
Girl: "How do you feel about abortion?"
Dad: "Ask your sister."
Girl: "I don't have a..."
What do most 50-year-old men put inside their cars?
Children.
How to punish a blind kid, rearrange his bedroom.
What's the difference between humans and bullets?
Humans miss John Lennon.
What's the difference between an American 12-year-old and an African 12-year-old? About 40 pounds.
Son: Dad, am I adopted?
Father: What? No! Out of all the kids in the adoption center, do you really think I would pick you?
What's the difference between Jesus and the baby I have in my basement?
Jesus died a virgin.
What was Osama Bin Laden's favorite drink?
A Double Manhattan.
Why are babies called bundles of joy?
When you break the bundle, it gives you joy.
Why can't an orphan play Family Feud? Because it has to have a family.
Wanna hear a good joke?
My dad’s love for me.
Once I saw a mirror... and that was when I got the ability to become a ghost.
What is a pedophile's favorite song?
Jerking off in A minor.
Why doesn’t the US want to play chess with the UK?
The US is already down 2 towers, and the UK has an unkillable queen.
What does a priest hold on to when having sex?
He holds on to the schoolbag.
The depressed kid getting bullied.
The bully: "You are useless."
The depressed kid: "I know."