Short jokes
Q. Why couldn't Terri Schiavo give good blow jobs?
A. She didn't know how to swallow.
Why did the person get fired from the calendar factory?
Because they took a day off.
The fool says in his brain, "There is a god."
Y'all heard of Poptarts, eh?
Well why are there no Momtarts?
Because of the PASTRYarchy!
My friend said she wanted to fly, so I pushed her off a building.
Why are Americans so bad at Clash Royale?
They already lost two towers.
You know why they call me 007?
0 girls.
0 chances.
7 restraining orders.
Are you a razor? 'Cause you make me red.
I don’t have a carbon footprint. I just drive everywhere.
If you think Tracy Latimer's murder was in any way justified, put on your helmet 'cause you're about to miss the short bus.
Why did the rapper go to space?
To drop some ASTRONOMICAL bars!
How does a rapper greet someone on a cold day?
"Yo, is the temperature Ice Cube, or Vanilla Ice?"
Why did the rapper oil up his notepad?
In case he needed to DROP some FREESTYLE NOTES!
Why can't a woman find a glory hole inside of the lady's room?
Because piss comes out of a woman's pussy.
I tried to get into an emo bar, but I didn't make the cut.
Q: Why aren't emo jokes funny?
A: They always seem to cut a little too close.
Q: What's a conspiracy theorist's favorite letter? A: Q.
Q: What do a prostitute and a vacuum have in common?
A: If they stop sucking, you can smack them until they start again.
Q. What do you say when your friend has an abortion?
A. May your baby rest in pieces.
I hate autistic people.