Short jokes
I remember my grandma's last words:
"What are you doing with that axe?"
If Stephen Hawking was walking, they would have a hawk problem.
What’s red, gold, and blank in Las Vegas?
Tupac
Hey dad, I'm hungry!
Hi hungry, I'm dad. Why did you name me this way, why why why?
Rob, you forgot to pay me for letting you sucky sucky on my thang.
AKA you're for sale.
Oh, hail no!!!
What do you call a cow you can’t see?
Camooflauged.
A man takes his dog out and steps in shit. He exclaims "WHAT THE DEUCE!"
Mom: I apologize, Sam, for being so mean to you. <3
Sam: Thank you, Mother, for your apology.
Mom: jk
SEX
Q: Who are the fastest readers in the world?
A: New Yorkers. Some of them go through 110 stories in 5 seconds.
What NFL teams parts with James Charles!?
Green Bay Packers & New England Patriots
Why did Sellwood get named?
It is made of wood that got sold.
What do you call a bald science teacher?
HOBBS LOL XD :)
How many fat people are in my house?
20, counting the kids in the basement.
"Igma is my balls."
What?
Why did you say not to?
Dad: My kid just said "butch," but since he is a kid, he said a bad word on accident.
*The next day*
Uncle: F*CK!
When someone falls, you say to them, "I remember when I started to learn to walk."