Short jokes
Chris said to me in P.E. that he likes Jacob, and he said he wants to go straight to the bedroom.
Friend: Ur sister after you were born. š
Me: Ur brother after chemotherapy. šµ
Why did Queen Elizabeth II die? She forgot to heal after all those storms.
Why are 9/11 victims the fastest readers?
They can go through 100 floors in 7 seconds.
They made a movie about 9/11.
It was a big hit.
You: You are such a flick pain.
Me: You are flick pain to my sight.
What do my cock and money have in common?
Your mom.
He had the curse of vanishing.
OnlyFans, but itās me smacking your baby daddies with Twisted Tea.
Only Cans.
*having sex on lexapro*
Her: Cum for me, baby!
Me: I'm trying!
I either added you because we have shit tons of mutuals, or 'cause I'd let you spit alcohol in my mouth.
I'll let you decide.
Me: And this is the room I cry in.
Date: You've said that about every room.
Me: Correct!
I'm great!! I'm good. I'm doing good hahaha. I mean "well" haha! Haha I'm doing well, not good! Haha I'm not doing good! I'm not doing so good.
After standing in line staring at McDonald's menu for 17 minutes,
Me: "Okay, I'm ready. Can you help me not be sad all the time?"
Me: "WYD?"
Her: "Just dealing with a lot: depression, anxiety, and the feeling that I'll never be enough."
Me: "Without me? Lol"
My two moods are āI canāt believe I get to be a personā and āI canāt believe I have to be a person.ā
If I tell you, "Jesus is the trickster," am I, or is he?
Lucifer is caged by Jesus, cuz he got tired of being alone on a pedestal.
I got sent to the principal's office for giving an orphan kid a family-size pack.
"My name is Walter Hartwell White. I live at 308 Negra Arroyo Lane, Albuquerque, New Mexico, 87104."