Do you know Ligma?
Have fun rubbing those balls in your tomatoes!
Short Jokes
Never talk about 9/11 to me. I lost my dad in it.
He was a great pilot ;(
They made a movie about 9/11.
It was a big hit.
Who left him hanging?
You: You are such a flick pain.
Me: You are flick pain to my sight.
He had the curse of vanishing.
OnlyFans, but it’s me smacking your baby daddies with Twisted Tea.
Only Cans.
Me: And this is the room I cry in.
Date: You've said that about every room.
Me: Correct!
After standing in line staring at McDonald's menu for 17 minutes,
Me: "Okay, I'm ready. Can you help me not be sad all the time?"
Me: "WYD?"
Her: "Just dealing with a lot: depression, anxiety, and the feeling that I'll never be enough."
Me: "Without me? Lol"
I got sent to the principal's office for giving an orphan kid a family-size pack.
"My name is Walter Hartwell White. I live at 308 Negra Arroyo Lane, Albuquerque, New Mexico, 87104."
Man, that's funny!
Why did the orphan get arrested for identity theft?
He dressed up as Batman for Halloween.
Ayo wassup Nicka. AWWWW SHIET!
The Golden State? More like your mum's state...
What's a native chick say after sex?
"Get off me, Dad, you're crushing my smokes!"
Friend: Ur sister after you were born. 😭
Me: Ur brother after chemotherapy. 😵
I'm great!! I'm good. I'm doing good hahaha. I mean "well" haha! Haha I'm doing well, not good! Haha I'm not doing good! I'm not doing so good.
My two moods are “I can’t believe I get to be a person” and “I can’t believe I have to be a person.”