Short jokes
How are Stephen Hawking and Kaepernick so much alike? They both don’t stand for the national anthem.
Girls are like a bus; you might miss the first bus and catch the second bus.
I'm taking a guitar lesson at school. My band instructor told me he was going to hit me with my guitar. I asked him if that was a "fret."
Why can’t Stephen Hawking go to Heaven?
Because there wasn’t a ramp.
What kind of containers does the Pope keep his vegetables in?
Vat-I-cans!
What is the skeleton's favorite car?
A Zam-bone-y.
What do you call Nicholas and Dillon/Dennis?
GAY
Stephen Hawking will be greatly missed for the time he walked this Earth.
Why were the Twin Towers mad during 9/11?
They ordered pepperoni pizza, but instead got plane.
Did you know there was food on the plane that caused 9/11?
It was the bomb.
I pregnoot.
Your hairline's less straight than my dad's.
Asian conversation:
Person 1: Ni hao, how's it going?
Person 2: Konnichiwa, what's up?
Person 1: I've bing chilling.
A girl in the shop was getting bullied. She came to me saying, "I’m getting bullied." I told her, "Stand up for herself."
I still can’t forget that tiny little dead fish in my blue lunchbox.
Roses are red,
My nuts are bigger than your small balls, that's why I get all the bitches.
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.
What makes you guys high?
I get high when I have a dead fish in my lunchbox.
Americans: Miles per hour.
Europeans: Bullets per kid...
What do you call a pole dancer?
A stripper.