Short jokes
Grandma, I can’t believe I have Alzheimer’s.
One second later, Well at least I don’t have Alzheimer’s.
My name is Mike Oxmaul, and my friend's name is Hugh Janus!
What did the skeleton say when he fell on his funny bone? He laughed!
Say "Mike Wizowski" fast to a teenager and I will get you $100000000000.
We were discussing cows in a lesson. I asked my teacher why she was one.
Where do Eagles send their children to study?
The Alpha birds.
What did the rainbow say to the other rainbow?
Nothing, it was feeling blue.
Last week I found out my toaster is waterproof.
What is the poorest country in the world?
Poortugal...
What is saw and bleeding and covered in bruises?
Your mum.
What has 2 wheels and screams? A disabled [person] I dropkicked down the stairs.
Anyone else think High School Musical would have been a better film with a school shooter?
Why did Stephen Hawking not believe in God?
Computers don’t really have a specific religion.
Why are orphans so scared of the dark?
The dad can't check the closet for them.
Boy/girl: I love you.
Me: I love me too! But sorry, my mom said I can't date trash. Go back to the trashcan.
The boy/girl: I- *Is depressed*
Me: Let's go to Randy's.
Friend: There's no Randy's.
Me: Ran deez nuts with a car.
You know that feeling when you're going through a school parking lot and go over a speed bump, then you realize that there are no speed bumps?
What's the difference between your mom and a fat female cow...
A female cow doesn't have a dick.
"Hey babe!"
What do Hiroshima and Nagasaki share in common with balls?
They both drop.