Short jokes
What's red, green, and slimy and slides down the chip shop window?
Abortion of chips.
Stephen Hawking died because his wheelchair couldn’t run Windows 10.
What’s the difference between a teenage girl and a cat? One’s a psycho and the other is a cat.
Why is 6 scared of 7? 7 8 9.
Seven ate nine.
Why was the whale sad?
Because he is blue!
I was riding my bike down the road!
When a car started coming, I started running.
It put me in a crash with my elbow through my ass! ;)
What do you call a white girl at Starbucks?
At home.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot Wheels.
Fucking Windows updates!
What happens when you see corn looking at you in your window?
A corn stalk!
My girlfriend called me a pedophile... That's a big word for a 1st grader.
What has 4 legs and 1 arm?
A pitbull in a children's play area.
What was the last thing that went through JFK's mind? A bullet.
Runescape is the only form of birth control that is 100% effective.
What did the people who cracked the Liberty Bell get for breaking it?
The no-bell prize.
My life.
What does a human and a cat have in common? Both take my bed.
Q: Why doesn't a skeleton mother drink water?
A: Because it gives her more work!
I love my family when they're buried alive.
How could the German people fall for Hitler and the Nazis?
There were an awful lot of red flags!