Short jokes
I gave up my seat to blind lady because she couldn't find any--let's just say I lost my job as a bus driver.
I slit my wrists.
Why was the orphan able to avoid getting into trouble at school?
Because they couldn’t call his parents!
Wee dyslexic boy and girl in class.
Wee boy says, "Can you smell gas?"
Wee girl replies, "I canny even smell my name!"
Kid: Dad, what happened to the kidnapper?
Dad: He had a nap.
Kid: Where is he now?
Dad: HELL!
My favorite instrument? The TromBONE, of course.
What does a skeleton tile his roof with?
Shin-gles!
What do you get if you add "ER" onto Hamburg?
Hamburg-ER.
I find bananas very appeeling.
Have you ever tried sex when camping?
It's f***ing intense.
Why didn’t Anne Frank just finish her diary?
Concentration problems.
I was going to think of a good amputee joke...
But I’m stumped.
What do orphans do at parent teacher meetings?
I rub lipstick on my forehead to make up my mind.
How do butts start a conversation?
"Let's cut to the chase!"
Your mom is so fat that she thought Eminem is a candy.
What do you think fish tasted like before women started swimming?
Why did the booty get a job?
To make ends meet!
My favorite meme is, "N_gga."
What do you call the Illuminati when they take over the world and control everything?
The Jew World Order.