Short jokes
What did the Army soldier say after he got his legs fixed?
Afgan-I-Stand.
What do sperm say while just in?
"We need to go deeper."
What do condoms and whores have in common?
Answer: There is a lot that comes in every box.
Why did the orange start blushing?
Because it saw the salad dressing!
I wish my dog was depressed so she can cut her own nails.
What's the difference between a cheater and your mom?
They both cheated!
Good morning, madam. I am from the local council. Can you please tell me if you have a dog license for that poodle you have on your head?
Why did lil Timmy drop his lollies?
He was hit by a train.
Why is the chicken that crossed the road a cannibal? Because he went to KFC.
What's the difference between a bird and a fly?
A bird can fly, but a fly can't bird!
What do you call a dictatorial cow?
Moosilini.
Why did the accountant fall off his bicycle?
Because he lost his balance!
How did the Java programmer's son get rich?
Because of inheritance.
I got fired from the library in the first 30 minutes because I "womens rights" in the sci-fi fiction section.
I don't like Trump because he has ruined my kind's greatest man, Donald Duck.
85% of us are good at school, while the other 15% is good at suicide.
(Teach me your ways, 15%.)
My girlfriend's a two, but she's turning three tomorrow.
Batman vs Superman?
Dad, there was one day I was playing jump rope with a pig, and then I made pulled pork out of him.
Son, he is dinner.
What's the difference between Vikkstar and a tree?
Nothing. They're both hollow on the inside and brown on the outside.