Short jokes
What's a dumbfuck's favorite condiment to put on his burger?
Re-tarter sauce.
Why you never have to give a balloon to Elsa?
Because she will let it goooooooooooooooo let it goooo!
Why was Josef Vasicek a Stanley Cup champion in 2006?
Because you know who was jealous and he went down in 2020.
What did Josef Vasicek think before the plane hit the ground?
"Oh shit, is my name still on the Stanley Cup?"
Stephen Hawking talks by clicks. Two clicks is "hi," and five is "dab me up."
A man walks into a bar carrying a big chunk of asphalt and says to the bartender, “Make mine a double Scotch and one more for the road.”
One tonsil said to the other tonsil, “We must be in San Juan Capistrano, here comes another swallow.”
Why is it painful to have your attorney with you in the hospital?
The damages are severe.
Why are blinds called blinds?
Because when they aren’t closed, they are blinding!
Why can't homeless people buy a house?
'Cause they live on the streets.
What are the similarities of an orphan and a water fountain?
They both sprout water.
Guy on Fortnite: "Ima sleep with your mom lmao."
Orphan: Starts crying.
Peanuts are hard to crack, just like my ex-wife's heart.
Yo mama so fat the last time I saw 90210 was when she stepped on the scale.
Lucky for me I'm only 210.
I have a friend who doesn't have a dad.
He says: "You're useless, go to hell!"
Me: "Wait, why do you want me to join your dad?"
Why did the baby cow cross the road?
To find its mom who has the milk.
What is it called when corn stalks have a baby?
The cream of the crop.
Why don't churches have Wi-Fi? Because they can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.
Q: Why did the ballerina get kicked off the squad?
She was standing way too close to the dancers.
Someone: Didn’t we already meet somewhere?
Me: Yeah. That’s why I don’t go there anymore.