Short jokes
Most people my age have had sex. Not my fault I'm not able to fit in.
Why is he called Stephen Hawking?
Because he is always trying to hawk up phlegm to clear his throat.
Wipe your feet before entering, but in Stephen Hawking's case, it is "Wipe your wheels."
I'll tell you a good joke. Stephen Hawking went for a walk.
What did Stephen Hawking say when he rode a bike?
"Hey look...no hands...or legs!"
What is Stephen Hawking's favorite football anthem?
You'll Never Walk Alone.
At least he always has a shoulder to cry on.
What Stephen Hawking doesn't know about wheelchairs isn't worth knowing.
What does it say on Stephen Hawking's headstone?
R. I. P. Roll in Peace.
Can you really wheel my real wheelchair?
Try saying that over and over fast. Bit of a tongue twister.
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite movie? Cabbage Patch Kids.
Rory Burrows is dyslexic.
What does a pizza and a Mexican have in common?
One can feed a family.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don’t know where home is.
I went 80 mph in a school zone and one of the speed bumps screamed, "Am I hallucinating?"
What do you get when you cross a pig with a cactus? A porkupine!
What 16 stoner rode a Derby winner?
Lester Piggott's.
How do astronauts have a party?
They planet.
That's caketasic!
Yo momma so fat, I asked her to save me a seat, so she sat down and she saved 10, and one by one the legs started popping off.