Short jokes
Heh.
Why do I have to do the stupid joke, mum?
What is the difference between a grandmother and a maid?
One is hope and the other is soap.
What do you think of the Bill Cosby movie?
Netflix and alcohol.
What is the difference between a thief and a doctor?
The thief knows what you have!
What is the difference between a microwave and a basket?
The microwave oven does not explode within the set time.
What was the last thing Kurt Cobain said?
"Pop Goes the Weasel."
What does Marine stand for?
Muscles Are Required, Intelligence Not Expected.
Why does the Marine Corps have the best uniforms?
Because the Navy wants their bitches to look nice.
What happens to an Indian's doorbell when you ring it?
A ring-a-ding-a-ding.
Life’s not a game... but if it was, some people would still be stuck on the tutorial.
How do you measure a dog's temperature?
In barking grade!
What role does a leper play in the theater?
Voldemort!
"I'd love to give everyone another shot."
Harry, 26, works at the women's clinic.
Q: What's the best part about working at an abortion clinic?
A: You don't have to buy dog food.
Your teeth split faster than your parents' divorce settlement.
What do gay Minecraft players do?
Stare at their big blocks.
The only thing worse for a man than the end of the world is a testicular clinic.
What came first: the chicken or the egg?
Doesn't matter, in the future, they'll come together.
All the children ate at the Indian restaurant, except for Simon, because he was eaten by the restaurant owner.