Short jokes
My grandpa is an asshole. The fucker deserved to die. The son of a bitch was using his life support, and I needed to change my iPhone.
What do you call a gay person in Antarctica?
Bi-Polar.
Why are Indians dark?
Because they are born and bred in chicken curry.
Your forehead is so big, I can write an essay on it.
What did the duck say to the pond?
"Fuck Trump."
How is the world like a box of crayons?
Nobody likes the white ones.
And a side note, it's multi colored.
Knock knock. Who's there? Bear. Bear who? Bear bum!
How do you fit three gay guys on a bar stool?
Flip it upside down.
Wonder why the Japanese people didn't see the bombs coming?
They didn't open their eyes.
How do Asian people name their children?
They throw a pan down the stairs.
What would your name be? Msg it to @chelsearosegraham.
What is a good night sleep? I love it when you walk home and walk home from school and walk home and walk home from home and walk home and get a good night walk and walk home from school and walk home from school and walk home from school and walk home from school and walk home from...
I remember when I saw my dad's penis for the first time.
I said, "Dad, don't text me shit like that."
Smoking a fag in the UK means to smoke a cigarette.
Smoking a fag in the USA means to kill a homosexual.
Abortions are a way for whores to dodge accountability.
Father: "Fritz, light the Christmas tree!"
My sister looks like Santa Claus.
"You are so pretty?"
"No, too many people!"
What did the builder say after the foundation?
"Employees!"
"Come on, take the camera!"
"Isn't it clear?"
"Well, look!"
Mom found a mirror in the garden and said, "I'll show you a real picture!"
Why are Russians forced to drink grizzly bear piss in Russia?
Because vodka in Russia is weak.