Short jokes
What do you say to a pig with no nose? You have n'ought a snout!
Why did the chef cook his eggs on the golf course? Because he wanted them par-boiled!
If Stephen Hawking was in a horror movie, would he make his robot try and shout, "Aaaaaaaah! Help me, I can't move! I'm too scared!"?
What’s the difference between a Canadian and a unicorn?
Nothing, they’re both mythical creatures.
Why did the fat rape victim cross the road?
To block traffic.
You smash me so hard, I gave her the D.
1950: In the future there will be flying cars.
2018: Pewdiepie shuts down Shane Dawson.
Yeet.
Where did my rabbit go?
*crunch*
I watch gay porn.
Your forehead is so big your soulmate didn't even want you.
What is it called when an art teacher has a heart attack?
An art attack!
What do Michael Jackson and ACN have in common? They both go in little kids.
A gay rapist saves a female rape victim, then rapes the rapist.
Somebody shouts "Fire!"
Man 1: Get the children out!
Man 2: F*** the children!
Man 3: We don't have time!
You're so ugly that you and Adolfo Hitler are like twins.
Gay orphans don't exist cuz they have no one to call "daddy," and lesbian orphans don't exist cuz they have no one to call "mommy."
9/11 pilots are the best readers.
They went through 30 stories in less than an hour.
What do you tell someone who has depression?
Answer: Just hang in there.
Rapist: Rape doesn't hurt anybody.
Victim: (Implied response indicating the rapist is wrong)