Short jokes
In my spare time I help blind children. -- I mean the verb, not the adjective.
In the morning, I become a cereal killer.
My friends used to poke me at weddings and say, "You're next."
So I started poking them at funerals and saying, "You're next" to my friends.
What do you call a Russian tree?
Dimitree.
My boyfriend told me to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.
Today my EX got trampled by a bunch of horses, and sadly I lost my job as a horse trainer.
Ancestry.com is spelled with an “I” in Alabama.
Why do lawyers use Viagra? To grow taller.
What's the difference between a hooker and a mosquito?
The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.
Max likes his girls like he likes his wine. 7 years old and locked in his basement.
What do gay people and mice have in common?
They both hate pussy cats!
When is it acceptable to hit a dwarf?
When he dances with your wife and says her hair smells nice...
Why did Ms. Grapes 🍇 want to marry Mr. Grapes 🍇?
Because she loves raisin kids.
What do you call a prostitute with a major in math?
The thot that counts.
What do you call a 60 year old with a bomb?
Suicide Boomer.
When I get naked in the shower, it gets turned on.
Why did the library book go to the doctor?
It needed to be checked out.
Why don’t mountains catch colds?
They wear snow caps.
Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? Because he can't do stand-up.
You take care of chickens. Does that make you a chicken tender?