What's one of the worst motivational things to say to a suicidal person?
“Hang in there!”
Short Jokes
Did you know that you can die from laughing? Well, that’s why I laugh so much.
What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.
Just noticed something: all celebrities die badly except for Elvis. He had a relief after Taco Bell.
What's the best haircut?
Chemotherapy.
I got kicked out of the hospital for saying, "Stay Positive," to the corona patients.
How do you make someone in Africa disappointed?
Sing "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head."
What do you call a necrophiliac gangbang?
Cracking open a cold one with the boys.
Why would a vegetarian never moan during sex?
They don't wanna admit that a piece of meat made them happy.
When a mute girl gives a hand job, is it oral?
No one has the right to look down on others unless you're perfect, and looking down on others is not perfect either.
It's just true.
Girl: Daddy, I've been a bad girl.
Priest: For the last time, it's "Father, I have sinned."
Never buy an epileptic kid light-up Sketchers.
What do you call a 60 year old with a bomb?
Suicide Boomer.
I put the sexy in dyslexia.
If there was someone selling drugs around here, we'd know.
How is spinach like anal sex?
If you were forced to have it as a child, you probably won't like it as an adult.
You know, it's only considered murder if there's a body. Otherwise, it's just a missing person.
I make science puns, but only periodically.
Sign on my attorney's office wall: "You can't have manslaughter without laughter."
