Short jokes
Why don’t mountains catch colds?
They wear snow caps.
Why did the library book go to the doctor?
It needed to be checked out.
Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? Because he can't do stand-up.
You take care of chickens. Does that make you a chicken tender?
In my mother's generation, they grew up with Wonder Woman. In ours, we have to wonder if she's a woman.
Your mom is so ugly that when she went to rob a bank, they had to turn the cameras off.
One Erection would be a very nice name for a gay band.
You know, eBay sucks. I was looking for a lighter, and it gave me 18,906 matches.
Even a psychopath is sympathetic when an onion self-harms!
What do you call a depressed person holding a knife?
Freedom yay! (so funny ikr)
What do Michael Jackson and math have in common? They are both hard for kids.
Q. What's the difference between a normal kid and an emo kid? A. One has a functioning neck.
Due to the rising cost of ammunition, there will be no warning shots.
Trees are so social. They're always branching out.
Why was the ant so confused?
All of its uncles were ants.
It's not pedophilia, it's early access.
What is the difference between a Rubik’s cube and a penis? I don’t know, but they both get harder the more you play with them.
Don't let an extra chromosome get you down.
How does a cow become invisible? -- Through camooflage.
What do you get when a cow is caught in an earthquake?
You get a milkshake!