Short jokes
My friend broke his tie. That's a tie breaker.
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a horse?
An animal abuse warrant.
You wanna know why Stephen Hawking isn't going to heaven?
Because it's a stairway, not a ramp.
What did the cell say when it was dividing?
"It's not you, it's me."
There was once a dark room with a dark light and a terrible electrician.
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don’t work.
I told my friend an egg joke yesterday.
He thought it was eggcellent.
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.
I got a job at the can factory, but it is soda-pressing.
A blind man walked into me at a store. I said, "Watch it, bitch!" and he said, "Sorry, I didn't see you there."
What do cows listen to?
Moo-sic.
I just found out I'm colorblind!
The diagnosis came completely out of the orange!
What does a Tusken Raider eat after his meal?
Some desert!
How do you put "blonde" and "duh" in the same sentence? Just say, "Blondes are dumb."
If your parents ever accuse you of lying... Say, "You're the one who told me about Santa Claus!"
What time is it? It's time for lunch.
*Quoted by Bubble Guppies*
Did you hear of my new job as a can crusher? It's soda pressing.
So, me and my friend dressed as dead people for Halloween. The only difference in the costume was that he was actually dead.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side! Haha, so funny...
What do a moose and a triceratops have in common?
Both have noses.