Short jokes
Weedle will make you high.
Why did he die?
Because God made a mistake and pressed Ctrl+Z.
Have they tried switching him off and on again?
What was the chip doing at the hairdressers?
It was getting a crinkle cut.
Yo mama is so slow, when she stepped on the highway they had to order a crane to come move her from starting traffic.
What did the Canadian say when a guy shot his beaver?
"It is ok, I forgive you."
What bathroom does a trumpet go to?
The brass room...
We can nip March Madness in the bud, but only if we detect the warning signs of brooding, anti-social February Fever.
What's the #1 rule of kidnapping prevention?
Don't get carried away!
What do you call a person in America that is not a retard?
A foreign exchange student.
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a campfire and shouted out "Hot Wheels!"
Who's white and has a big penis? Michael Jackson.
Dishwasher rape is another word for marital obligations.
Your hairline is so far back, it was in a different time zone on a flight with you.
Q: What is Hitler's least favorite grocery store?
A: Jew-Osco
What is the difference between a Mexican and a bench?
The bench can support its family.
What's the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.
What happens when you find a bomb at your local bazaar?
It becomes a flee market.
Why can't you teach an orphan new tricks?
Because there is no one to teach them.
Someone: Stop making jokes about sh!
Me: Oh, sorry man, I'll cut it out, I'll cut it out deep!