Short jokes
What do you call a toddler lying in the middle of the road? Speed bump.
Have you heard about the blind man who saw the accident and the dead man who heard it?
I think my penis has facial recognition.
My friend died by a truck, why can't I get run over?
What do oranges 🍊 sweat?
Juice!
Why did tube date electricity? Because he would light up when she touched him.
Women are like tornadoes.
They scream when they are coming and take your house when they are leaving.
Why is there no open hunting season on hippies?
Have you ever tried to clean one?
Boo! 👻🎃💀🕷️🕸️☠️ (So scary, right?)
Crying babies are like parties. No matter how many times you try to end it, it keeps going.
Why do oranges wear sunscreen? So they don't peel.
What’s the best part about fucking a dead bitch?
You don’t need consent.
How do you know the baby's dead? The dog plays with it more.
Why don’t coffins have Wi-Fi?
Because they don’t want people to be so ‘connected’ while they’re trying to rest in peace.
What's an old Japanese man's last words?
"Hey, that cloud looks like a mushroom, or is it just me?"
What do you call a kid with a special sense of humor? Autism, hahaha!
Sometimes I just want to toss a flash bang into a room full of epileptic kids.
I bet you go grocery shopping at the Twinkie Factory.
What do you call a dick playing badminton?
A shuttlecock.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.