Short jokes

I lost my virginity once and found it in a store being sold off.

I told my dad that I’m gay. He replied, “No, you're retarded.” Then he went off to kiss a baby.

How did people know the 9/11 victims had a lot of dandruff?

Their head and shoulders were all over New York City!

I was eating this girl out the other night, and I tasted horse semen, so I said to her, "Oh, that's how you died, grandma!"

Why does my dad hate me? Really, please tell me, I'm tired of the constant abuse and pain.

What did the Hiroshima survivor say about the day Little Boy dropped? "It was a blast!"

Bean.

America: I'm going to build a wall.

Nazi: Been there.

Soviet Union: Done that.

Americans are so fat that they named an atom bomb "Fat Man" to describe themselves.

An assassin is about to shoot his target, "I'm about to give you the JFK experience."

What is China's favorite restaurant?

The Pet Store.

One cow asks another cow, "Are you afraid of mad cow disease?"

The other cow says, "Why should I be? I'm a helicopter."

Why are there so many jokes about Chuck Norris, but not about Bruce Lee?

Bruce Lee was no joking matter.

Porn.

If you ever have a gay friend whose comatose, tell his family he/she was a fruit. Now he/she's a vegetable, at least they're still in the produce section.

I was voting for Trump in the 2016 election. It's been a while since the last presidential assassination...

How do you get a nun pregnant?

Fuck 'em.

Once a cheetah, always a cheetah.

Why did the rape victim stop eating pears?

Because she was told that if you rearrange the letters "PEAR," it spells "rape."

Astrophysics fact: If you count every star on a Saturday night, you're autistic.